Matt - In Pursuit of Happiness

ApaAjaOk

Matt wrote:

**IN and OUT**

Due to the recent decision of relocating myself out from the cave into the civilization down South, I had to start doing something I really hate: MOVING!!!

It's amazing how frequent i have been moving in and out from one place to another for the last few years. I bet I can be on par with those nomad tribes in Africa or somewhere down there. Not that I like moving, but it just happened that this moving thing always finds its way to me.

I hate almost every aspects of moving!
Starting with "Oh... I have to move", usually that means change... and change usually comes together with complications.

Then having to find a new place, and deal with the old place... how fun =(

Then dealing with packing... OMG... packing... when you ahve to gather all your life AND your junks.... put them in boxes... such a waste of time and energy!

and then loading and moving those stupid boxes from the old place to the new place! Holly... how exciting!

And then, unloading those fuking boxes, to your new place... There!! a day wasted!

And then still you need to open those stupid boxes, and UNPACKING.. everything (afdter previously spent days packing them)..

And now you have a giant mess, you have re-arrange everything in the new place!!! OMG... that's another few days if not weeks of work...

And then come times, telling people: I moved to a new place... calling banks, credit cards, uti;ities, insurances, financial institutions: " I'd liek to cahnge my address, please..." OMG!!!

And as if the pain is not enough: you lost everyone, and then starnded in a new place, alone!! with no one else!!

Such is life....

what you said sounds kinda troublesome...

Matt

ApaAjaOk wrote:

what you said sounds kinda troublesome...

It DOES

Matt

finally done with shit and all

kleine_ikarus

Did you quit your job?

Matt wrote:

**New Place**

Finally moved into the new place... still busy with unpacking, arranging and dealing with stuff, but hopefully they'll get done soon.

Anyone in Toronto?

picky

Matt wrote:

**New Place**

Finally moved into the new place... still busy with unpacking, arranging and dealing with stuff, but hopefully they'll get done soon.

Anyone in Toronto?

he he he, gw juga baru pindahan dari downton, sedikit ke timur dekat beaches

kangataz

matt hows it going with the friend search in toronto? I just read this thread after a while not reading the boyzblog part of BF. Actually I know a friend from SMP who lives in toronto. Maybe you guys could hang out or something. He's pretty good looking too, lol if u care.

Matt

Hey. Thanks!

I dunno how I should play the field: being aggressive looking for friends (lots of work and risked looking desperate) or just let things flow and fall into place (and risk not knowing anyone)... hahaha..

kangataz wrote:

matt hows it going with the friend search in toronto? I just read this thread after a while not reading the boyzblog part of BF. Actually I know a friend from SMP who lives in toronto. Maybe you guys could hang out or something. He's pretty good looking too, lol if u care.

Matt

Hey!

What's ur email/cell? we should hang out or smtg if u are free one of these days ... oh check ur inbox too!!

picky wrote:

Matt wrote:

**New Place**

Finally moved into the new place... still busy with unpacking, arranging and dealing with stuff, but hopefully they'll get done soon.

Anyone in Toronto?

he he he, gw juga baru pindahan dari downton, sedikit ke timur dekat beaches

picky

Matt wrote:

Hey!

What's ur email/cell? we should hang out or smtg if u are free one of these days ... oh check ur inbox too!!

picky wrote:

Matt wrote:

**New Place**

Finally moved into the new place... still busy with unpacking, arranging and dealing with stuff, but hopefully they'll get done soon.

Anyone in Toronto?

he he he, gw juga baru pindahan dari downton, sedikit ke timur dekat beaches

udah gw pm tuh email n phone gw

Matt

Hey,

Sorry, lama banget balesnya. Gw udah kirim cell gw juga. Nanti gw hubungin deh buat cari waktu yang enak.
Sibuk terus ga di sana?

picky wrote:

Matt wrote:

Hey!

What's ur email/cell? we should hang out or smtg if u are free one of these days ... oh check ur inbox too!!

picky wrote:

Matt wrote:

**New Place**

Finally moved into the new place... still busy with unpacking, arranging and dealing with stuff, but hopefully they'll get done soon.

Anyone in Toronto?

he he he, gw juga baru pindahan dari downton, sedikit ke timur dekat beaches

udah gw pm tuh email n phone gw

Matt

Akhirnya 1 bulan berlalu juga ...

Dari segi produktivitas, sayangnya 1 bulan ini berlalu seperti angin... pssshhhhh... begitu saja, and tanpa sadar, sudah bulan June. ga ada hasil yang diperoleh atau bisa dibanggakan sama sekali dari May, sayangnya.

Dari segi "hura2x", di sini jauh lebih mudah... cari teman untuk hura2x pun tidak terlalu sulit. Yang susah adalah mencari teman yang baik, yang bisa diandalkan, lebih dari sekedar waktu hura2x.

Hmm.. bingung juga mau nulis apa, sepertinya pikiran sedang buntu and tidak ada inspirasi... mungkin lain kali.

Matt

and.. akhirnya setelah 2 bulan berlalu.... maka lengkaplah 3 bulan summer yang penuh dengan hura2x... setelah bertapa di gua selaam 9 bulanan... rasanya cukup menyenangkan menghabiskan waktu 3 bulan di kota besar , penuh dengan orang.. walaupun dari segi tanggung jawab and masa depan, gw merasa gw sedang berjalan di tempat atau malah jalan mundur.

**

Lucu.. selama ini, sejak gw sekolah, gw selalu dengan sombongnya berpikir bahwa gw tergolong pribadi yang mature pada usia segitu... punya tanggung jawab, ga suka menggila yang terlalu gila2an... anak baik2x, karir yang mulus, etc etc... tapi beberap bulan terakhir ini gw mersa gw sangat sangat immature pada usia gw sekarang (tambah 1 tahun lagi ..... =( ).

Contohnya: gw ga bisa mengambil keputusan.. gw selalu takut untuk mengambil keputusan karena dengan bodohnya gw sellau ingin sukses tanpa resiko (and kita semua tahu tidak ada kesusksesan tanpa resiko)... gw maunya sukses, semua mulus, semua pilihan berjalan lancar tanpa ada resiko and ga boleh ada yang gagal. Mana ada yang seperti itu di dunia nyata...

***

Kemudian pikiran aneh muncul: Kalau gw tidak menggila sekarang... kapan lagi gw akan punya kesempatan untuk menggila... apakah kalau gw sudah pensiun nnati jadi manula baru gw menggila...
maka muncullah pilihan : TO PLAY or TO BE STABLE...

and selama beberapa bulan terakhir 2 pilihan ini menghantui gw, dicampur dengan masalah external2x lain yang menghantui and di luar kontrol.

***

3 bulan terakhir, well, boleh dikatakan "waktu yang hilang" (sepert lost generation), tapi mungkin ada baiknya buat gw karena menjadi semacam selingan. Di kota yang baru gw mencoba untuk mencoba menjadi lebih "loose" ga terlalu stiff and takut, mencoba merasakan bagaimana rasanya menjadi "gay"... opened up to some (new) friends, be more open about gay, tried to dress better, look better, more slutty , actually joined a gym and worked out regularly to tone up the body, etc...

it's a good break.... with pretty good results too, boost up my confidence and everything...

But eventually, the reality kicked in, and I knew that this was only for a time being; temporary and never meant to be anything permanent.
At some point this has to come to an end, and it's up to me to put a break on the the sliding chariot.

So after something that was meant to be only summer fling... I stupidly actually kind of fell to someone... one of the most popular (EX)sluts in the city, I decided to DEFY my feeling and go with my LOGIC. To put an end to the "vacation" and get back to the reality.

It's quite painful, but I decided to leave everything to FATE. FATE says, if it means to be, then it will be....

SO, I packed my boxes (again!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and move on to the a more secure, stable, less volatile path... although lately, this year, all my options are very gloom and doom... but finally I decided to go with the least risky one and start from there.

So, finally here I am in the month of August... with new everything again; (but not so new afterall, as I'm completing m circle and back to where I was a year ago).

The roads ahead of me are still rough and uneven, dwindling and full with traps, but at least I actually did make a decision to go with this path.
And I can only hope I have push myself hard this time with the new start; to start a better life and learn from all the mistakes, failure and success in the past.

Wish me well

Matt wrote:

Akhirnya 1 bulan berlalu juga ...

Dari segi produktivitas, sayangnya 1 bulan ini berlalu seperti angin... pssshhhhh... begitu saja, and tanpa sadar, sudah bulan June. ga ada hasil yang diperoleh atau bisa dibanggakan sama sekali dari May, sayangnya.

Dari segi "hura2x", di sini jauh lebih mudah... cari teman untuk hura2x pun tidak terlalu sulit. Yang susah adalah mencari teman yang baik, yang bisa diandalkan, lebih dari sekedar waktu hura2x.

Hmm.. bingung juga mau nulis apa, sepertinya pikiran sedang buntu and tidak ada inspirasi... mungkin lain kali.

satria

Matt wrote:

stupidly actually kind of fell to someone... one of the most popular (EX)sluts in the city,

I hope I do not know him ...... because I am a saint ..... have been all my life ............ halah :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

Matt

I doubt it Sat =P

satria wrote:

Matt wrote:

stupidly actually kind of fell to someone... one of the most popular (EX)sluts in the city,

I hope I do not know him ...... because I am a saint ..... have been all my life ............ halah :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

Matt

Iya.. sekarang udah mulai adem2x lagi.. bentar lagi udah ga bisa pakai celana pendek keluar rumah, hehehe..

Gw sekarang balik ke Vancouver... sayang ya ga sempet kongkow kongkow.. nanti lah, kalo lo pas jalan2 ke sini atau gw pas ke sana.

picky wrote:

Matt wrote:

Untungnya.. setelah minum antibiotic ronde ke -2 keadaan hari ini sudah membaik... ta lesat sudah ga demam/ meriang/ panas dingin and menderita... tinggal masalah tenggorokan saja.

Tadi pagi dengar berita tentang gempa bumi di Laut Selatan yang samapi terasa di Jakarta... khawatir and takut... semoga semuanya tidak apa2x.

untung udah membaik, he he he, yah summer cepet banget ya

Matt, masih di Bloor area yah, gak balik ke northern ontario.....???