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Kalo yg ini, aku udah baca di tempat @The_jack19
Chapter 1
It was a typical day in early January. The sun is already up but
the air is cold and occasional strong winds still blow on the
streets of Bangkok. Christmas vacation is over and today is the
first day that students are coming back to school.
The events of the morning have been a blur to Mew. He was
able to attend a couple of classes and before he knew it, it was
already time to have lunch. He left his classroom without
waiting for his friends and went straight to the cafeteria. After
buying lunch, he went to the farthest unoccupied table and
slowly picked on his food. He had been like this for a couple of
weeks now – absent minded, glum, and more quiet than usual.
He has yet to recover from his last conversation with Tong.
They have stopped communication after seeing each other at the
concert in Siam Square. Mew was thinking about how he was
able to survive without his grandmother and now, how to
survive without Tong. His thoughts were cut short, however,
when someone sat across him.
"So you think you can get away from us?" said Alex.
"Hey…" greeted Mew silently.
"The last time I saw you, you were so happy. What happened
over Christmas?" Alex was thinking about the last time he saw
Mew at the concert.
"Uhm, nothing"
"Are you okay, Mew?"
"…"
"Have I told you before that I'm your friend and that you can
trust me? Or that I love you and just say you want to be my
boyfriend and I'll say yes?" Alex was smiling when he spoke to
Mew.
"Do you want me to ignore you forever?" Mew replied smiling
but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Ahahaha! You're no fun, you know that?"
The smile still traced Mew's lips but once again he sadly looked
at his plate and slowly ate his food. Alex got the cue and ate his
lunch as well. They ate in silence and not once looked at each
other. Alex was the first one to break the ice.
"Seriously," he began "Mew, if you need to talk to someone,
please—"
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry, I'm not just ready yet…" Both
stopped eating. Mew raised his head and met Alex's gaze. Tears
were already forming in his eyes and before he can wipe them
out, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "This…is…you fault."
Mew accused between sobs.
"Has anyone told you that you look cute when you cry?" Alex
teased while handing Mew his handkerchief. Mew suddenly
laughed at the unexpected comment. He grabbed Alex's
handkerchief and slapped it playfully on his friend's face.
"Ouch!"
"You deserve it you *******!" Mew continued laughing.
"Well, it's not everyday that people see you cry."
The bell chimed before Mew can retort. The boys instinctive
looked at the cafeteria clock and grunted in disgust.
"Let's go back to class?" volunteered Alex.
"Uhm, you go right up. I'll just go to the CR."
"Okay, later then." Alex stood up, gave Mew one last smile,
then went back to class. Mew stayed seated while watching
Alex leave. He released one deep sigh then stood up and went to
the CR. He wiped his still moist eyes then pocketed the
handkerchief. He should remember to give it back to Alex later.
Surprisingly, he somehow felt less sad after talking to his
friend.
The August band has just finished practicing for the night and
the boys are already packing their instruments. Mew was sitting
in one corner of the room and oblivious of everybody else. He
remembered the first time Tong watched them practice. He
remembered how happy he was to have Tong watch him sing
and how happy he was to sing for Tong. He remembered the
inexplicable feeling of having Tong sleep beside him; of having
to wake smelling Tong from the pillow he used that night—"
"Don't tell me you'll cry again."
"What?" he glared at the person who's voice interrupted his
reminiscing. "Oh, it's you." he dismissed the ever-smiling Alex.
"Why is it that you always interrupt me when I'm thinking?"
"Good to see you too." Alex ignored the question. "Long time
no see." Alex stood straight from leaning on the wall and sat
beside Mew.
"You just finished practicing with me and the band, in case you
haven't noticed." said Mew.
"You never talked to me again after our lunch last week. Are
you mad or something?" asked Alex. Everybody's looking at
them now. When Mew didn't answer, Alex signaled the band to
finish cleaning up and stood again to finish his own packing.
When all was done, everyone said their goodbyes and left Mew
inside the studio.
A couple of minutes more and Mew was ready to go. He got his
bag and went outside the building. He was surprised to see Alex
waiting for him outside.
"Did you forget something?" Mew asked.
"I used to wait for you after practice, remember?" Alex's tone
has a tinge of sadness.
"Oh, sorry, yeah—I mean…"
"It's okay. I just figured Tong won't be coming tonight to walk
you home…"
"We… don't see each other anymore."
"That's what I guessed. Ready to go home?"
"Thank you, Alex. I appreciate this, but, you really don't have to
do this."
"We live in the same area." Alex was smiling again. Mew
closed his eyes, sighed deep, and smiled at Alex apologetically.
"I don't really know what's happening to me, I'm sorry."
"Hey, no need for apologies. I understand. It may be unclear the
first time I told you this but just to make it clear, I do care for
you." Alex curled his right hand on the back of Mew's neck and
together they walked home.
Alex can't sleep. His eyes are closed but his mind is wide open.
It's going to be a long night again, he thought to himself. How
he can endure the pain he's feeling, he doesn't understand. He
thought he's already over it but he quickly realized that he's
simply mistaken. He thought he has finally found the courage to
let Mew go when he saw how happy Mew was when Tong
went back to his life.
Mew's happiness is his happiness even if it breaks his heart. But
Tong left Mew again, the *******. He's thinking of taking his
chance with Mew again. He forgot where he heard about the
broken heart being the easiest to steal but he'd be damned if he
would accidentally hurt Mew's feelings again. Mew's heart has
simply had too much already for Alex to try to meddle with it
again.
He already forgot when he really took notice of Mew. Maybe
two years ago when he realized Mew was also gay or maybe he
has dreamt of Mew long before they finally met. He doesn't
really know. He tried showing Mew his feelings by being a
totally loyal buddy but it seemed to not earn him anything but
friendship; full and unadulterated friendship—what the ****.
He tried to date girls next to see if Mew will get jealous but
again, to no avail. Lastly, he tried something more daring—the
time when he stuck his tongue into Mew's mouth during the
P.E. class, where he suddenly chickened out and accused Mew
of doing what he just did. He paid for it dearly, he knew. He
suffered every time Mew ignored him. He almost transferred to
another school if his mom didn't scold him non-stop.
Mew appealed to him like nobody else did. Maybe because
Mew looks so vulnerable or that he simply can't resist their cute
and talented lead singer. Nobody knew about this, of course. He
dared not expose his feelings with Mew especially when his
long lost boyfriend, Tong, came back. He doesn't think he'd
match up to that guy anyway. He also hasn't told anybody in the
band about it but he guesses it wouldn't matter if they knew and
that he has a hunch they wouldn't really be surprised in any
case, with him kissing Mew and all. But he was ready to give
up Mew. To see him happy feels much better than to see him
lonely and lost. ****ing martyr, he told himself. But Tong is out
of the picture again and he can't help but to be drawn more to
Mew. It's something painfully inescapable for him.
Fatigue finally caught up with Alex and slowly, his mind drifted
into oblivion, into the darkness of the dreamless night
*tunjuk diri sendiri
*btw aku mewek bagian akhir filmnya*