Fly Away

BillyG

lol

captenastro

Chapter 19

Alan and I arrived slightly late to the pub.

"Hey hey hey, look who's finally here. The homecoming boy and the evil step mother!" Chris shouted and everyone was cheering and laughing.

Chris grabbed my hand and pulled him to his side. His arm was around my shoulder when he kissed my side forehead.

"Hey Alan, what did you do to him. Look, he's all red and shaking." Chris said jokingly while watching me blush and try to hide my face in his armpit.

"Hey Chris, what is this? Just because you kissed him, you think he is yours now?" somebody shouted and everyone laughed.

"If I knew this before, I would have kissed him first." somebody else responded.

"Yeah, right, it WAS first come first serve!" I lost tracked who said what, but everyone laughed.

"Hey hey hey, cut it out." Chris said.

And then he looked at me in the eyes.
"You all know that he is mine. He has always been mine and he will always be mine."

With that, he kissed my cheek and hold my to his chest.

"So bugger off, all of you!" again, the whole place erupted with laughter.

I didn't pay attention to all the shouting and the jokes. Even the music seemed to fade away.
I was in my own world, with my own little light and my own music.
The light was coming from his angelic face and his laughter was the music to my ears.

I didn't know how long I was in trance, savouring the moment that I have dreamt about in the last two weeks.

"Hey John, com'on, say something, are you really going to let Chris treat you like his little pet!" Tom said trying to provoke me.

"Well, what choice do I have, it was either him or gay Alan." Everybody laughed. I was quite proud that I managed to keep everybody happy and at the same time turned the spotlight to gay Alan. And he didn't fail me. He was more than happy to take over the spotlight and keep them busy for as long as he could.

"Do you want a drink?" Chris whispered in my ears while turning over to face the bar, separating ourselves from the group.

"Sure."

He ordered my normal drink and another pint for himself.

"Did you sleep okay?" He asked.
If I didn't know better, I would say he was nervous.

"Yeah, it was great, thank you. Your bed was very comfortable."
I lied. It wasn't that. It was because I could feel him and pretend that he was there with me in bed.
"I've packed my stuff and I just need to pick it up tonight before I go home. Thanks again for letting me stay last night."

"Non sense. You're staying with me again tonight." He looked offended.
"Well, I don't want to intrude, plus I need to go home at some point anyway."
"Yeah, but not tonight. Tonight, I....., we are...." He looked deeply into my eyes.

Out of nowhere I saw a pair of hands on his shoulders pulling him away from me.
"Hey Chris, seriously, are you going to keep him all night to yourself." It was Tony and Mike teasing Chris.

After that, everything went so fast.
I didn't whether it was the alcohol or the euphoria of just being back with my friends again, I actually had a great time.
We ended up going to a couple more pubs and as always had way too much alcohol.

This felt like my old normal friday night.
This felt like my normal life that I left behind.
Even though I knew something has changed in me, at least I got to feel my normal life again.
for now.

captenastro

Chapter 20

When we decided to call it a night, Chris and I went for a walk.
We were a bit tipsy from the drinks we had, so we thought the fresh air would help.
I loved walking along this side of the Thames river, with the London eye shines from the other side as if it was rolling along with us. The Big Ben seemed to get taller as we walk towards it, beckoning us to come and admire its majesty.

"I just love evenings like this." Chris said while walking next to me.
His hands were on his pockets as he was looking up to the sky and feeling the soft cold breeze on his face.

"The clear sky and crisp autumn air, telling us that even though summer is over, it will all still be nice and lovely."

I wanted to comment that he was obviously still drunk, but I restrained myself, so I just laughed a little.

"So did you have a good time in Jakarta?" He asked plainly.

"Yeah, it was hm, it was a good experience." Trying not to bother him with too much details.

"It was hard being away from home, but I'm now a believer that sometimes you do have to lose yourself before you find yourself."

I was expecting him to make a joke of how dorky I sounded. But he didn't.

"Did you?" He asked.

"Hm?"

"Did you find yourself?" He sounded a bit worried.

"In one way I did. But to tell you the truth I didn't really lose myself completely."

"Oh?"

"You were in my mind the whole time. More than I thought, more than I expected, more than I ever want to admit, and, to be perfectly honest with you, more than....ever."

He stopped behind me. I started to regret what I just said. I might have given him too much honesty.

I turned around and looked him in the eyes.

"Look, before you say anything, I just want you to know I am not asking for anything. I know you are not gay, and I am not even sure if I am. I'm just..."

I took a deep breath to recompose myself.
I walked towards him while I was trying to find the right word.

"I am just.....admitting difficulties."

"And what is that?" He asked.

"I... I... you know what, it's not a big deal..." I thought I could use that window of opportunity to back down.

"John, don't give me that crap. Tell me, what difficulties you are talking about?"

I looked at him and I realised it was too late to pull out. So I took another deep breath.
"I guess I find that what I have of you, is not enough."

"What? I am not enough for you?" He looked so hurt and offended.

"You are telling me that I am not good enough for you?" Now he looked more like angry than hurt.

"No, you've got it all wrong. I didn't say that."

He looked away. I think he was already hurt by what I said.

"Chris, I didn't say that you are not good enough for me. I would never say that. I just said that what I HAVE of you is not enough."
"Look, you're my best friend. In fact, you are more than that and you know it."

"Is it the girls? Is it about me and my dates with girls? I was just going to tell you that I'm going to stop fooling around. You know that if I have to choose between you and the girls, I would choose you any.."

"You haven't let me finished talking, Chris!" I shouted.

He looked shocked. He walked away from me, and stop at the wall. He leaned on it and watched the sky as he calmed himself down.

"Look Chris, you're everything for me, and possibly more. But last week as I was a thousand of miles away from you, I realised that I didn't know whether you would want to be everything for me. I didn't ask. And I didn't know whether I was also everything for you. Yes it was nice for us being close friends, buddies, best friends, whatever you want to call it, but I need...."

I took another deep breath and stood beside him.

I said slowly "Chris. I don't want go on with my life not knowing."
"I don't want to have you in my life just out of assumption. I don't want ever to be alone again in another city or country, not knowing whether you would think of me the way I think of you, whether you miss me like I miss you. Not anymore. I can't do that anymore. It was too painful, and I don't think I can go through that anymore."

"So no, it's not about you and girls. I'm not a girl, and I would never be a girl for you. It's not about me asking you to do something or to change to something else. I'm not asking you for anything Chris."
"I just want to know. I want to know what you really think of me."
"I think I deserve your honesty just like what I'm giving you now. Give me at least that."

I didn't dare to look at him, so I just stared at the bridge across and the sky above.
Then suddenly he pulled my hand and dragged me to the nearest lamp post.
He put his hands on my arms as he tried to positioned me under the lamp.
At first I was able to stop myself from protesting and asking him questions.
But when he then kneeled down in front of me, I couldn't stop myself.
"Chris, what are you doing? This is not...."

"John. please." He said sternly.

"I've let you finished talking, now please let me."

He looked down for a few seconds, and then looked up.

"John. I've never done this before to a guy, I've never done this before to anyone. But here goes."
"I'm sorry if I wasn't brave enough to tell you what I think or feel about you."
"I'm sorry if I thought we could just carry on like before and that you'd be ok with that."
"And I'm sorry that it took awhile for me to figure it out. Even until now, I don't think I've got it all worked out yet. But this much I know and this much too I will share with you."

It was first time for me to see him in such a painfully serious way.

"John, you mean the world to me. I never thought I could care for someone so deeply, specially for a guy, but I do. I don't know how, I don't know when, I just do. The worse thing is that, love does not even describe what I feel and think of you. I don't just love you. I don't see you as a guy or a girl, or even a person. you don't complete my life. You are it. You are my life, you are my love, you are my everything."

"The last two weeks I was so lost without you. I thought I was just missing you as a friend, but I was so wrong. Even now, even you are back, I get so insecure. I'm so scared. I'm so traumatised. I can not lose you anymore. I just can't John. I... I...just can't..."

I couldn't take it anymore. I put my fingers on his mouth to stop him talking. I couldn't take another word from him.
I pulled him up with all of my strength, and I hold him tight.

"I'm so sorry Chris, I'm so sorry." I cried.
"I know it's not easy for you, and I know it's painful, but I just needed to hear that. I needed to know. I am so sorry...." I cried furiously.


I don't cry, I don't even remember the last time I cried. The thought of him going through this because of me, it was just too much.
But there we were, two guys, hugging each other, under the moonlight and the bright light of the streets of London.
Tears were still rolling down my cheeks, but I can tell you one thing. That night, never in my life I felt more of a man.

Like I said before, sometimes we have to lose ourselves before we found ourselves.
That night, I definitely found mine.

mllowboy

Wow! Lanjut juga akhirnya.

Keren.

captenastro

Hey @mllowboy , good to hear from you.

mllowboy

Iya.

Ditunggu lanjutannya ya.

yeltz

@captenastro hi there! ur new costumer here and im addicted to ur stuff. Stay still! :')

Ambigu

udah tamat blom ni om .. ??hehe

btw itu yg pas di pub yg nyautin becanda2 gitu cowok semua .. ??

captenastro

Hi guys, thanks for dropping your comments.

@coffebean, @BillyG, @yeltz, welcome! I hope you enjoy the story so far.


@Ambigu, just answering your questions:

In the pub, I like to open it for people's interpretation. There is no reason why there should be or shouldn't be a girl playing along with the joke.

As whether it is a final chapter or not, well, it is not, but the next chapter is :-).

I like to think every story should have an ending, or at least a clear stop/break point.

I might consider a sequel, but we can talk about it later. I'm going to put the next/final chapter soon..

Shout out too @end, @gray_side, @iamyogi96, @coolmon, @DItyadrew2, @alabatan, @xeifer, just in case any of you is still interested with the story. I apologise again for the delay.

captenastro

Chapter 21

We were just a couple of streets away from his house.
We haven't said much after the talk.
Once in a while he looked at me and smiled, and then kissed my forehead, or squeezed my hand tighter, or drew me closer to him, but not a word.
Sometimes he would rub my arms to keep me warm, but, again, not a single word.

"Are you sure you want me to stay over again tonight?" I finally broke the silence.
He smiled, but continued walking without answering it.
Maybe he thought my question didn't really need an answer.

We arrived in front of his house, and he went up to open the door.

"So what now?" I asked.
"Where do we go from here?" I asked again trying to be more specific with my thoughts.

His was still facing the door when he stopped and looked up.
I couldn't really get what he was thinking or feeling.
He turned back and stood in front of me.

"I don't know."
"I don't know where we would go from here, I don't even know where exactly we are at, and to tell you the truth, I don't even have the energy to think about it."

It was then clear to me then that he was tired.
He was emotionally drained from the last conversation we had.

"We have never talked like that before, have we?" I looked down and smiled, not out of guilt, but more like admission.
"No. But I'm glad we did it." He said, brushing and playing my hair with his right hand.

"John, I...."
I quickly looked up to find his eyes, and he smiled when I did find them.
I think he knew I was dying to hear him say something.

"John, I don't just love you, I...., I promise you, one day I will find a word that would describe better of what you mean to me, better than the word 'love'. And... and I'm looking forward for what lies ahead for us. I'm... I'm excited, I'm.. well, to tell you the truth, I'm a little scared too.."

"Me too." I said softly.

"But I was hoping that we could just push that aside for now, and just have tonight, just enjoy tonight."
"please, Just tonight John, let me just..."

He took a deep breath to stay as calm as possible.

And then he said the words that I would never forget in my life.
He said
"I just want to go home with you."
"I just want to go home to you."
"I just want to go upstairs, climb up to bed, kiss you good night, and hold you in my arms."
"I want to go to bed, knowing that I have everything I need in my arms, that I have my life back, and..."

"and that my life loves me to."

He was touching my jacket with the tips of his fingers, as if he was checking whether I was real or not.

"Can we...just... do that tonight."
"I promise you we'll talk more tomorrow and we'll... we'll..."

"Sssshhhh." I put both hands on his cheeks.
"Let's not talk anymore, let's just do that."

He tried to smile and he tried to maintain the smile.

"Chris.." I said softly as I now touched his jackets with the tips of my fingers.

"Hm?"

"Kiss me."

He looked at me.
He smiled and looked down.
"I don't want to play that game anymore."

I smiled and laughed a little, and then with my fingers on his chin, I pulled up his face.

"I stopped playing long time ago"

He smiled and laughed a little too, and he did.
He kissed me.



I used think that a good kiss would make my feet float and I would just fly away, just like an ending of a romantic movie.
But that night, I felt more like I was pulled to the ground and pulled to him.

The kiss didn't go very long, even though if felt like forever.
He then held my hand, and while every now and then he would steal a look at me and smile, he slowly took me inside.
And we did just exactly like what he said.
In his arms, I lied and closed my eyes.
Trying to stop the smile on my face, and trying not to enjoy the music of his heartbeat too much.


I'm home.

-The End-

ayaya

is it over already?
gosh, can I have some more chapters? XD

ayaya

is it over already?
gosh, can I have some more chapters? XD

Ambigu

@captenastro

udah nih om .. ??

yahh padahal penisaran dari sudut pandangnya om gimana menggambarkan gay sex itu.. ) hahahaa

captenastro

Thanks for your comments guys.

@ayaya, really? you don't find the story too long already now?
It's 21 chapters for goodness sake, lol

@ambigu, you see, that's my problem at the moment. My view of gay sex is still more of the "va va boom" , and not the sex out of "love" that Chris and John would have. I'm a bit nervous that I would paint it wrongly. But let me think about it first, mkay?

I was already loosing sleep for the last 2 chapters, because I find that it's really hard to describe 2 guys in a emotional situation without making them or one of them look too feminine, you know what I mean?


By the way, can you guys help me review what the positive and negative things that you have found so far with the story. I so need to hear reviews from the readers, maybe about the story line, the characters' development, was it believable, was it relate-able, the style of writing, or any other comments.

I think it could be very useful for me, and who knows, maybe I will continue the story

Appreciate you help guys!

Ambigu

@captenastro

hmm "va va boom" ?? mungkin kalo di indonesia "ah ah crot" kali ya...wkwkwkwk

haha ok ok ... tp jangan di pikirin om coba di fantasikan aja .. :P qiqiqi


haha gpp ... om udah berusaha keras tuh kyknya coba bangun emosinya pas 2 chapter terakhir ini ... meskipun umm dari awal si john ini emang udah ada sedikit bakat feminin si .. hahahha tapi masih dimaklumi kok ..hehe

tapi sejauh ini om kok kyknya bisa ya ngegambarin gay kalo lg dilema tuh gimana gitu ... jadi penisaran ... terinspirasi darimana .. ??beneran bukan dari pengalaman pribadi .. ?? :> ) hihihi