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Selamat datang di situs Boyzforum yang diarsipkan oleh Queer Indonesia Archive. Forum untuk komunitas gay Indonesia yang populer ini didirikan pada tahun 2003, dan ditutup pada tanggal 15 Desember 2020.
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Forum ini diabadikan untuk kepentingan sejarah. Tidak akan ada konten baru di forum ini. Silakan menikmati forum ini sebagai potongan dari sejarah queer Indonesia.
Dating Mr. Discreet
Humm,,,gw barusan nemu artikel bagus buat yg pengen punya pacar "manly" (yg mungkin kebanyakan masih sgt tertutup). 
Semoga membantu,,, 8)
Dating Mr Discreet
BY Rong
The closeted (or shall we say half–closeted) gay man is a breed of homosexuals that has recently come out of the closet (err, ok not really) but decided not to be open about his sexuality whether it's because he works in a homophobic industry, he actually has a wife and kids back home or simply because of internalized homophobia. He prides himself for winning the Oscars for ‘straight acting’ and prefers to use the term ‘discreet’ as if all other gay men who do not behave this way are screaming queens.
Don't get me wrong here. Many such gay men are not ashamed about their sexuality, like others who are more open about their sexuality but rather they harbour fears of being outed unnecessarily. The problem arise if such fears border along the line of paranoia and this can really get to the partners whom they are dating.
His profile will never have a photograph with his head attached (I have had interesting private messages from people on Trevvy.com with chest, asses and crotches in their dockets—lending credence to the phrase ‘meat market’). Most of the time, the closeted gay who maintains a profile is more interested in getting laid than trying to nap a date. The first few questions he'll ask are “Are you straight acting or sissy?” His mantra would be “not interested in sissy or effeminate guys”.
Super discreet about his identity, you would think he is from ISD and if he is successfully in sustaining your interest despite the lack of a face pic, it would probably take months before he reveals it and even then it is likely to be either teeny–tiny or with a big group of people where unless he tells you which is him, you are searching blindly to the closest possible match to his stats.
I am comfortable about my sexuality and my level of masculinity, its not like I'll tell everyone that I prefer sausages to oysters, wear outlandish outfits that do all the screaming for me or behave like a giggling school girl on the street. But because I am out so that would make me a possible liability to the closet gay I am a high risk factor (geez I sound like a bomb).
Highly paranoid about being outed, going out on dates with him is like having a CCTV tagging along. Everything and anything comes under his intense scrutiny.
If you manage to clear his background check and proceed to that elusive first date, he'll probably lay down the following ground rules:
Places to date — a popular gay hangout is a big no–no. Even in ‘safe’ venues Mr Discreet would rather you keep at least half a metre apart and would suddenly pretend not to know you whenever he bumps into someone from work. Needless to say he would not be caught dead at Powerhouse on Sunday.
Dresscode — you must not wear any t–shirt that has cheeky slogans that even suggest anything remotely gay. This automatically excludes skin–tight tank tops or anything tight or multi–colored in anyway. And absolutely no man–bags permitted. You should wear basic colors like black, white, etc. and a possible outfit is polo top and jeans. In other words think “straight man” and dress to match, but correct me if I am wrong but wasn't it the rage for gays some time back?
Rules of engagement — absolutely no effeminate behavior such as having a broken wrist, sashay, no standing with one hip sticking out, when speaking on gay topics must use coded language and keep your volume to a mere whisper, keep your pinky finger in check and no rolling of the eye balls.
Warning: Expect a disappearing act when you bump into your friends who do not observe the rules above.
I had my fair share of dating varying Mr Discreet of varying degree and I could probably try to understand or even accommodate but what I find disappointing about some closeted gay men is that their deep intolerance for the more effeminate people in our community, I have witness how they consider those who are “Sissy” as a disgrace to the community because as men we have to behave like (straight) men.
They would start “sissy bashing” and feel manlier after a bout putting someone down, they consider the gay community polluted with such feminine guys and that they are a group above and beyond others.
I finally came to the realization that if you got to pretend to be someone else on the first date then be prepared to act until you get a stroke. For me to control myself to this extent (just for any guy) would be insane. It is like flexing my muscles to look buff; I would sooner suffer from a cardiac arrest before the night is over.
Semoga membantu,,, 8)
Dating Mr Discreet
BY Rong
The closeted (or shall we say half–closeted) gay man is a breed of homosexuals that has recently come out of the closet (err, ok not really) but decided not to be open about his sexuality whether it's because he works in a homophobic industry, he actually has a wife and kids back home or simply because of internalized homophobia. He prides himself for winning the Oscars for ‘straight acting’ and prefers to use the term ‘discreet’ as if all other gay men who do not behave this way are screaming queens.
Don't get me wrong here. Many such gay men are not ashamed about their sexuality, like others who are more open about their sexuality but rather they harbour fears of being outed unnecessarily. The problem arise if such fears border along the line of paranoia and this can really get to the partners whom they are dating.
His profile will never have a photograph with his head attached (I have had interesting private messages from people on Trevvy.com with chest, asses and crotches in their dockets—lending credence to the phrase ‘meat market’). Most of the time, the closeted gay who maintains a profile is more interested in getting laid than trying to nap a date. The first few questions he'll ask are “Are you straight acting or sissy?” His mantra would be “not interested in sissy or effeminate guys”.
Super discreet about his identity, you would think he is from ISD and if he is successfully in sustaining your interest despite the lack of a face pic, it would probably take months before he reveals it and even then it is likely to be either teeny–tiny or with a big group of people where unless he tells you which is him, you are searching blindly to the closest possible match to his stats.
I am comfortable about my sexuality and my level of masculinity, its not like I'll tell everyone that I prefer sausages to oysters, wear outlandish outfits that do all the screaming for me or behave like a giggling school girl on the street. But because I am out so that would make me a possible liability to the closet gay I am a high risk factor (geez I sound like a bomb).
Highly paranoid about being outed, going out on dates with him is like having a CCTV tagging along. Everything and anything comes under his intense scrutiny.
If you manage to clear his background check and proceed to that elusive first date, he'll probably lay down the following ground rules:
Places to date — a popular gay hangout is a big no–no. Even in ‘safe’ venues Mr Discreet would rather you keep at least half a metre apart and would suddenly pretend not to know you whenever he bumps into someone from work. Needless to say he would not be caught dead at Powerhouse on Sunday.
Dresscode — you must not wear any t–shirt that has cheeky slogans that even suggest anything remotely gay. This automatically excludes skin–tight tank tops or anything tight or multi–colored in anyway. And absolutely no man–bags permitted. You should wear basic colors like black, white, etc. and a possible outfit is polo top and jeans. In other words think “straight man” and dress to match, but correct me if I am wrong but wasn't it the rage for gays some time back?
Rules of engagement — absolutely no effeminate behavior such as having a broken wrist, sashay, no standing with one hip sticking out, when speaking on gay topics must use coded language and keep your volume to a mere whisper, keep your pinky finger in check and no rolling of the eye balls.
Warning: Expect a disappearing act when you bump into your friends who do not observe the rules above.
I had my fair share of dating varying Mr Discreet of varying degree and I could probably try to understand or even accommodate but what I find disappointing about some closeted gay men is that their deep intolerance for the more effeminate people in our community, I have witness how they consider those who are “Sissy” as a disgrace to the community because as men we have to behave like (straight) men.
They would start “sissy bashing” and feel manlier after a bout putting someone down, they consider the gay community polluted with such feminine guys and that they are a group above and beyond others.
I finally came to the realization that if you got to pretend to be someone else on the first date then be prepared to act until you get a stroke. For me to control myself to this extent (just for any guy) would be insane. It is like flexing my muscles to look buff; I would sooner suffer from a cardiac arrest before the night is over.
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Comments
not worth my while .....
Artikel yg bagus. Gw dari dulu sampe sekarang gak pernah ngertu sama gay yg membanggakan dirinya 'straight acting', karena..well...no matter how hard he acts straight, he's still gay and most importantly..at the end of the day it's just an ACT !
Well, Look Str8 Act Str8 (Str8=Straight) bisa jadi karena tuntutan profesi atau tekanan society... Naka sendiri tetap harus seperti itu ketika dalam situasi2 tertentu.
Naka /\/
oleh Rong
Pria gay yang masih in-the-closet (atau mungkin setengah2) merupakan hasil perpaduan dari homoseksual yang baru saja coming out (err, oke tidak juga) tetapi memutuskan untuktidak terbuka terhadap seksualitasnya baik itu karena dia bekerja di lingkungan homofphobia, dia mungkin memiliki anak dan istri di t\rumah atau hanya karena homophobia di dalam diri sendiri. Dia bangga memenangkan piala oskar untuk 'akting straight terbaik' dan lebih menyukai istilah 'hati-hati (bijaksana)' seakan-akan pria gay lainnya yang tidak berperilaku selayak mereka adalah banci-banci obvious.
Jangan salah paham. Banyak pria gay yang tidak malu akan seksualitas mereka, seperti mereka yang lebih terbuka akan seksualitas mereka namun takut untuk dibuat 'out' secara tidak perlu oleh orang lain. Masalah muncul ketika perasaan takut mulai melewati batas menuju paranoia dan ini tentunya akan mengesalkan pasangan mereka.
Profil (internet)-nya tidak akan pernah terpasang kepala (saya pernah mendapat pesan pribadi menarik dari anggota Trevvy.com dengan (foto) dada, pantat, dan area genitalia di dalam ringkasan mereka—memberikan kepercayaan terhadap frase 'pasar daging'). Sering kali, gay in-the-closet yang aktif mengurus profilnya lebih tertarik untuk berhubungan badan daripada mencari teman kencan. Beberapa pertanyaan awal yang akan ditanyakannya antara lain: "apakah kamu bertingkah laku straight atau kebanci-bancian?" Matra pria tersebut akan berupa: "tidak tertarik dengan pria banci atau feminin."
Kesuperhati-hatiannya tetang identitas akan membuatmu berpikir bahwa dia pasti berasal dari Internal Security Division (ISD, FBI); dan bila dia berhasil mempertahankan ketertarikanmu (walaupun hanya) dengan foto tanpa kepala, mungkin akan memakan waktu berbulan-bulan hingga dia memberikannya dan itupun hanya berupa foto kecil mungil atau dengan sekelompok orang yang kecuali dia berutahukan kepadamu, kamu hanya bisa meraba-raba buta kemungkinan terbesar yang cocok dengan deskripsi dirinya.
Saya merasa nyaman dengan seksualitas dan tingkat masulinitas saya, bukan berarti saya akan memberitahukan kepada setiap orang bahwa saya lebih suka sosis ketimbang tiram, memakai pakaian asing yang akan meneriakkan homoseksuaitas saya atau mengikik seperti anak gadis sekolahan di jalanan. Namun karena saya 'out' makanya saya akan dianggap mungkin akan membebani gay in-the-closet sebagai faktor beresiko tinggi (geez, saya terdengar seperti bom).
Terlalu paranoid akan dibuat out oleh orang lain membuat berkencan dengannya seperti dibuntuti oleh Close Circuit TV. Semua dan segalanya akan diperiksa berlebihan dengan teliti.
Apabila kamu berhasil melewati cek latarbelakanya dan melanjutkan ke tahap kencan yang sulit dimengerti tersebut, dia akan mungkin menetapkan beberapa peraturan lapangan berikut ini:
Tempat berkencan
Tempat kencan gay yang populer adalah TIDAK. Bahkan di tempat yang 'aman' Si Mr Hati-hati akan lebih memilih untuk paling tidak menjaga jarak setengah meter jauhnya dan akan tiba-tiba berpura-pura tidak mengenalmu saat dia kebetulan bertemu dengan rekan kerjanya. Sepertinya tidak perlu untuk mengatakan bahwa dia tidak ditemukan di Powerhouse pada hari Minggu.
Dresscode
Kamu tidak akan boleh memakai t-shirt berslogan jahil yang mungkin bersaudara jauh dengan 'gay'. Ini otomatis mengesampingkan tank top atau apapun yang ketat atau berwarna-warni. Dan tas tangan pria sama sekali tidak diperbolehkan. Kamu harus menggunakan warna-warna dasar seperti hitam, putih, dll dan pakaian yang dimungkinkan adalah polo dan jeans. Dengan kata lain, pikirkan 'pria straight' dan berpakaianlah sepertinya, betulkan kalau saya salah tapi bukankah beberapa waktu lalu merupakan fad para gay (>>>Gay 90s)?
Peraturan mengikat
Sama sekali tidak boleh ada sifat feminin seperti pergelangan tangan patah, melenggang, tidak ada berdiri-dengan-salah-satu-pinggul-condong-keluar, saat berbicara mengenai topik gay harus menggunakan bahasa kode dan menjaga volume suara sebesar bisikan, selalu cek jari kelingking (swiss manicuse?) dan tidak ada perputaran bola mata :roll: .
Peringatan: harapkanlah aksi menghilang secara tiba-tiba saat kamu saat kamu betemu dengan teman kamu yang tidak mengindahkan peraturan di atas.
Saya sudah sering berkencan dengan Mr Hati-hati dari berbagai tingkat dan saya mungkin bisa mencoba mengerti atau bahkan menyesuaikan diri tapi yang saya kecewakan adalah beberapa dari gay in-the-closet tidak toleran terhadap orang-orang yang lebih feminin di lingkungan sekitar, saya tahu bagaimana mereka menganggap mereka yang 'sissy' sebagai aib terhadap komunitas (gay) karena sebagai pria kita harus bertingkah seperti pria.
Mereka akan memulai 'penyerangan (terhadap) banci' dan merasa lebih jantan setelah menjatuhkan orang lain, mereka menganggap komunitas gay terpolusi oleh pria-pria feminin dan mereka adalah kelompok di atas dan melebihi orang lain.
saya akhirnya sadar bahwa apabila kamu harus berpura-pura menjadi orang lain pada kencan pertama maka bersiaplah untuk berakting hingga kamu kena stroke. Bagi saya, mengontrol diri hingga seperti ini (demi pria manapun) akan membuat saya gila. Layaknya melenturkan otot agar terlihat kencang; saya akan lebih dulu menderita gagal jantung sebelum malam berakhir.
~~~~~~~~~
Artikel yang menarik
EDIT: proofread + correction by Rectory
Just because ur gay doesn't mean you have to be bencong melambai, screaming queen/ sissy etc. Juga, u don't have to tell the whole world that ur gay..being out or not is a personal choice, bukan suatu kewajiban.
Tapi yang menyebalkan adalah kalau yg discreet itu merasa dirinya lebih baik /lebih tinggi derajatnya dibandingkan yang out dan yang sissy..apalagi sampai sissy bashing..padahal sama2 suka laki juga!
@RECTORY: I totally agree
Sebenarnya malas juga, tapi emang menarik sih
Wah, thanks buat koreksinya
Klu menurut gw sih cukup relevan sm keadaan di sini hehe. Dapet dr website singapore, trevvy.