i hide love, and it sometimes hurt!

hfong

Semua pst ad yg terbaik... Dun lose hope...

Farkas

@hfong Hey there! Gw pny pengalaman lumayan mirip, but it's even more complicated. Last year I found my friend's pic from this forum. He was one of my first friends since I started college and I was very surprised. By then I've known him about two years and I didn't even know that he's gay. At last after about four months I came out to him that I'm gay and it turns out that he's the same. Slowly, I started falling for him. I started loving him and slowly that love turns into obsession. Just three or four months since I came out to him, I told him that I really loved him and I want to be with him. As his boyfriend.

I waited for his answer and he said that he's sorry because he never really see me more than as a friend. I was devastated at first and I felt really really sad. I didn't contact him for about two or three weeks until I couldn't stand to be away from him, I apologized for putting him in a difficult position. But the truth is by then I still want him. I tried forgetting him and move on, but I just couldn't.

Months goes by and I still think of him everyday. I just wanna show him that I care for him a lot and my care for him is bigger than my ego. I just wanna show him and make him understand that I just want him to be happy. But I still had feelings for him. That's why I still text him or wrote poems for him just like when I started falling for him a few months ago. It really kills me slowly by this time, but I didn't know anyone I could talk to.

Weeks after that I realized what I did wrong. I didn't kept my distance with him. When I was in love with him, I just want to be around him, and I was so selfish that I want him all by myself. And the worst thing is that I wasn't careful about my feelings. I just let it all out. I think it's important that when we're in love we have to be careful about the amount of love we want to give to that person. And the most important part: we have to be patient.

Now, I still hang out with him, I still talked to him, and he's still one of my closest friend. Slowly, the feeling that was there a few months ago started to fade. Slowly, I realize he's better off with someone else. Slowly I understand what's best for both of us. Because I didn't just love him, I care for him, very much. It's better to see him smile with somebody else than cry with me. I know it sucks. It sucks very much. But believe me, if you really care about that person, it will eventually be okay to be "just friends" with that person. Hang in there @hfong It takes time to move on! It took me about six months! Hehehe Hope this helps a little...

The important thing is to have someone to talk to. I found a friend here that I could really talk to and he really helped me move on. I can only give you this advice, the rest is up to you. And if you want to talk, I'm willing to listen. Because I know how you feel. Every bit of it.

hfong

Thanks for telling me such a story @farkas
I really appreciate it. Your story is the living proof that love doesn't mean that we have to keep it to ourselves. It means more than that. You have chosen to let him pursue his love... That's brave. Honestly I am still talking to this guy and I think I know he knows about my feelings to him. He keeps telling me stories about how men shouldn't be together. I want to know how is your feeling now? Does he have his bf yet?
Thanks for sharing your story to me...

Farkas

@hfong Now I just want to do what's best for him. I'm happy because he's happy. That's all. It may sounds like a bullshit, but it's true actually. I never really understand that phrase "Happy because he's happy" until now. I don't know anything about his BF, or whether he has one now or not. he doesn't tell me about that, maybe he's trying to spare my feelings. What I know is that he's a great friend. One of the best I've ever met! I don't care if he already has a new BF, as long as he smiles, I will.

I think it's such a pity if we just keep the love we have to ourselves. It's better to be honest and if that person really care about us, I'm sure they'll understand. Even though they don't feel the same way... It's great if that boy is still talking to you and still consider you as one of his friends. It's okay if he tells you stories about how guys shouldn't be together because in the end, it's all up to you. It's up to you who do you want to love. He has his point of view and you have yours. It's not wrong to have different opinions. But don't expect him to be more than a friend if he told you all of that. Because the more you expect for something, the more you'll be disappointed if you didn't get what you want. Give everything and expect nothing. It's better to be that way! I know what happens when I expected too much. In the end there's just disappointment waiting for me.

Glad I could help.

hfong

I know now how it is to love someone.. I never thought this feeling would rise with him. He's just wonderful and he has a gf. I dunno what's been running on my mind actually because even if he were gay, I would never ever be with a person that already has a spouse. I already moved on my feelings now. We'll sometimes talked about things and his gf, I was annoyed before all this but now I encourage him to do whatever he can to protect his love one. I just think that he is not the one for me anymore. He's a great friend. Now I'm opening up to myself and still with a hope of finding a mate that loves me for who I am, and only for me... thanks @farkas

Fastrost_

I knw exactly hw u feel, its happening to me too. Confused like hell

Farkas

Good for you @hfong I'm praying that you will!

pendatangbaru

loving straight I think is one of the hardest love in the world.
It takes heart, takes patience, and takes a lot of time. A lot harder than a normal love between man and women. And yet, after all that we going through, we doesn't always get what we wanted, if any at all. Usually you'll only get a fracture of what normal couple could get but it still cost you at least ten times of the normal effort or more. So, to be honest is not worth it.

But still if you insist on embracing it, take it all with your heart, cause you're gonna need it. a lot.

But sometimes, you can get something that worth more than anything in world can offer.

A life long friendship. An unspeakable bond of bromance that cannot be describe. And it could really warm up of your heart.

The mutual feeling of love, not lust. Someone that you are sure will have your back when you need it. I'm happy to have it all, thought I think the sacrificed is a bit too high.

But still if you are insist, you can start with what brother @Farkas said. Give all your heart for him but don't expect anything. When you can see him smile when he wasn't with you is sign that you are on the right track.

It's hard I tell you. Ask bro @Farkas how hard it is if you don't believe me. And I don't guarantee that you'll get like what I have right now, or what you want. That's why I'm not recommend it. But still, the possibilities is still there if you want to grasp it.

Good luck @hfong

azrulgana

@adexmaurer tolong terjemahin

LonelyKing

@azrulgana terjemahin apa? judul thread nya?

artinya "aku menyembunyikan cinta,dan itu terkadang sakit"

Farkas

@pendatangbaru I agree with you! Hehe... Friendship is even more important than love. I actually has this one str8 friend who knows that I'm gay and when I came out to him, I almost cried to have such understanding and caring friend. He's been my best friend since I was little and I'm glad things works out fine after he knew that I'm not like him.

Sometimes we need to learn that caring is letting go. I know it's very very hard, but it's true don't you think? Hehe...

azrulgana

@adexmaurer ama threadnya

pendatangbaru

@Farkas Yeaah. It's true
It takes me two failed attempt before I can see it.
But after that, I have two wonderful bromance that endures until now. One of them is already married and his wife occasionally calls me as his boyfriend when I come to visit his son.

I'm never said to him that I was bi, but I think he already knows about it after years of me taking care of him )

The other one is my lil bro. He already know I'm a bi, well, he freaked out at first.
But after that he's okay with it. And yet, he's still very possessive of me although he already found out about it and also have a girlfriend.

Both of them gives warm in my heart to face my everyday life.
I'm very grateful that I have them

Farkas

@pendatangbaru Great story you have there! I'm happy for you!

LonelyKing

@azrulgana panjang bgt males ahh
lagi pula gue lagi potong rambut
jadi riweuh