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Selamat datang di situs Boyzforum yang diarsipkan oleh Queer Indonesia Archive. Forum untuk komunitas gay Indonesia yang populer ini didirikan pada tahun 2003, dan ditutup pada tanggal 15 Desember 2020.
Forum ini diabadikan untuk kepentingan sejarah. Tidak akan ada konten baru di forum ini. Silakan menikmati forum ini sebagai potongan dari sejarah queer Indonesia.
Forum ini diabadikan untuk kepentingan sejarah. Tidak akan ada konten baru di forum ini. Silakan menikmati forum ini sebagai potongan dari sejarah queer Indonesia.
My 1st year in gay world experience in Jakarta.
Hi friends, pengen cerita2 nih soal pengalaman gue tahun lalu (2010) waktu gue pertama kali terjun ke dunia gay di Jakarta. A bit of a background, I'm 30 years old. I was born in jakarta but I moved to a far away country 10 years ago. I still consider Jakarta as my home and go back to Jakarta every year and I have great friends there too.
Anyway, dah lama gue tahu kalau gue bukan (pure) straight. Well, I like girls, but I seem to also have interest in guys too. Awalnya gue cuma mikir that it was just me being naughty or just the adventure/kinky side of me, and I also thought that it could be just desires for things that I don't/can't have. Tapi dgn dorongan temen2 gue di jakarta, and berhubung my love life with girls have not worked out well, with some of them ended up so badly that gue ngerasa rada2 kapok pacaran, gue akhirnya nyoba2 terjun ke dunia gay di jakarta.
First of all, In terms of experience deketin co, man I tell you, give me girls anytime, and I'd get her phone number before the night ends. Biasanya kalo ama ce tuh obrolan bisa ngalir and gue bisa sedikit lebih witty dan funny. Tapi ama co, mungkin krn baru yah, but my goodness, it is so hard! Yg ada tuh gue jadi grogi gitu deh. Temen gue ampe ketawa gitu, dia bilang I maybe prince charming with the girls, but with the boys I was more like a weird nerdy teenager. Well, I'm still learning, but that was my first lesson in this new territory, which is in term of getting to know a guy, is just to relax and let things happen instead of over thinking everything.
anyway, at first I tried hanging out at the cafes that are known to be the place for gays to hang out in Jakarta, but that didn't workout. I guess either (correct me if I'm wrong) people in Jakarta go to cafes with their friends and not really looking for new friends there, or maybe I was there at the wrong time (I was told I should hang out in the evenings/late evenings). But by the end of last year, I managed to get to know 2 guys (not at the same time) that I met at the clubs. I'm not a party animal as such, but I guess that's how you meet guys in Jakarta. It sucks that we have stay up all night just to meet gay people, but hey, if that's what it takes, then I'd go along. Untungnya gue di Jakarta for holidays so I can afford to do so.
Anyway, dari dua co ini, I realised how different this world is than what I'm used to. My first impression so far is that things are happening so fast and so deep in such short period of time., Kayanya kita tuh harus rush into things. So much so that they can say "I love you" or cried because they miss somebody that they meet just hours ago. I find it shocking and that was the reason why things didn't work out for me. Gue masih keep contact dgn yg pertama (Mr.A) as "friends". And the other one ( Mr.B ), well, that we're in the "keeping a distance" mode.
The truth is, with Mr.A it was more like a one night stand that lingers. I realised we don't have much in common after the 2nd "date" but I was kinda curious to know how it feels to be with a guy. Awalnya dia ok2 aja tuh with that. He was saying I love you and how he missed me when we didn't meet for a day, but he was cool with me not being able to reciprocate with the same intensity. Tapi seminggu kemudian I think he got a bit fed up, he confronted me to commit and he wanted to know whether I love him or not. Question, how do you answer that? How can you tell somebody you've just met that you don't love them back? I really struggle with that. I guess with my ex-gfs, I was the (only) guy in the relationship and I was the one that set the pace of the relationship. In the end he said let's just be casual, "dibawa nyantai aja" and "yah kita temenan aja" to be exact. So that's where we at, "friends", gue harus pake tanda kutip soalnya dia masih suka kirim sms "I miss you" every now and then, and from my side, I have to admit that the sex was great, man it was better that I thought it'd be. Until now, I can't believe how good it was, I felt I've missed out a lot. Let's just say that I wouldn't say no if the opportunity arises in the future for us to hook up again (namanya juga laki, lol). But that's it really, I don't think it could be more than just sex. So I guess we're friends with (possible) benefits, ato kata temen gue istilahnya adalah "Temen Tapi Mesra".
Now with Mr.B, I actually was/am interested in him and genuinely thought things could go further with him. He was nice, polite, educated and fun. He looks kinda cool I guess, judging from the number of guys that tried to hit on him during the night we met. And he kinda grew on me. I am no Brad Pritt too, so I like to believe looks come second to me, there is connection and chemistry and personality and stuff. Unfortunately though, the night we met was the last night for me in Jakarta last year. We spent the whole night together in the club and then we went back to his place, but he was too wasted to do anything, and being gentleman that I am (:p), we didn't actually have sex. But I think we both felt the connection and as much as I don't believe in long distance relationship, I was secretly determined to make it work.
Come to think of it, it does sound like a fairy tale like my friends said, but the difference is, instead of the "happy ever after" ending, the reality kicks in. Again, I was faced with the same issue. The next day he said he loved me, and we're boyfriends now and so on. I was trying my best to say let's get to know each other first before we say things like that, but he didn't want any of it. The thing is, I genuinely like him and really want to get to know him better and hoping we'll get there, you know, saying I love you and commit to each other and the rest of it, but not after a day, or even a week. Anyway, it went downhill after that, things got muddled up, communication was a problem too due to the time difference. And then we both got slightly angry at each other and now we're not really talking.
To tell you the truth, it broke my heart a little bit. I appreciate that being the one left behind wasn't easy for him, but I really wish he could see how I put a lot of effort and was trying my best. I called him in the airports, and the 1st day I got back, I bought blackberry phone so that we can bbm. I spent so much money in international phone calls, I stayed up late so that we can talk, and triedto be as accommodating as possible. I wouldn't normally do that for a girl, let alone a guy that I just met. But in the end, I guess I could never give what he wanted. I really can't muster the words I love him. I can't use those words, not to somebody that I've just met, despite how strong the feelings that I have for him.
ha ha ha, kok gue jadi sedih gini yah abis nulis ini, ada ada aja.
Anyway, that's the story so far. I wish somebody can enlighten me where I got it wrong. I'm not entirely sure why I can't say I love you like that. Mungkin karena budaya disini kaya gitu and di indo itu beda. Disini saying I love you is a big thing really, it's a big commitment. Mungkin juga gue yg byk trauma in the past with bad relationships, albeit with girls, it made me a bit careful with my heart and with other's too. Apa gue yang terlalu kaya icy queen yah, terlalu kaku and kuno and have less emotions than normal people. I don't know...
So that's it. For those of you who actually get to this point of the story, thank you and well done you!! I didn't realise how long it is , lol...
Anyway, thanks for reading, and please feel free to share your thoughts.
Anyway, dah lama gue tahu kalau gue bukan (pure) straight. Well, I like girls, but I seem to also have interest in guys too. Awalnya gue cuma mikir that it was just me being naughty or just the adventure/kinky side of me, and I also thought that it could be just desires for things that I don't/can't have. Tapi dgn dorongan temen2 gue di jakarta, and berhubung my love life with girls have not worked out well, with some of them ended up so badly that gue ngerasa rada2 kapok pacaran, gue akhirnya nyoba2 terjun ke dunia gay di jakarta.
First of all, In terms of experience deketin co, man I tell you, give me girls anytime, and I'd get her phone number before the night ends. Biasanya kalo ama ce tuh obrolan bisa ngalir and gue bisa sedikit lebih witty dan funny. Tapi ama co, mungkin krn baru yah, but my goodness, it is so hard! Yg ada tuh gue jadi grogi gitu deh. Temen gue ampe ketawa gitu, dia bilang I maybe prince charming with the girls, but with the boys I was more like a weird nerdy teenager. Well, I'm still learning, but that was my first lesson in this new territory, which is in term of getting to know a guy, is just to relax and let things happen instead of over thinking everything.
anyway, at first I tried hanging out at the cafes that are known to be the place for gays to hang out in Jakarta, but that didn't workout. I guess either (correct me if I'm wrong) people in Jakarta go to cafes with their friends and not really looking for new friends there, or maybe I was there at the wrong time (I was told I should hang out in the evenings/late evenings). But by the end of last year, I managed to get to know 2 guys (not at the same time) that I met at the clubs. I'm not a party animal as such, but I guess that's how you meet guys in Jakarta. It sucks that we have stay up all night just to meet gay people, but hey, if that's what it takes, then I'd go along. Untungnya gue di Jakarta for holidays so I can afford to do so.
Anyway, dari dua co ini, I realised how different this world is than what I'm used to. My first impression so far is that things are happening so fast and so deep in such short period of time., Kayanya kita tuh harus rush into things. So much so that they can say "I love you" or cried because they miss somebody that they meet just hours ago. I find it shocking and that was the reason why things didn't work out for me. Gue masih keep contact dgn yg pertama (Mr.A) as "friends". And the other one ( Mr.B ), well, that we're in the "keeping a distance" mode.
The truth is, with Mr.A it was more like a one night stand that lingers. I realised we don't have much in common after the 2nd "date" but I was kinda curious to know how it feels to be with a guy. Awalnya dia ok2 aja tuh with that. He was saying I love you and how he missed me when we didn't meet for a day, but he was cool with me not being able to reciprocate with the same intensity. Tapi seminggu kemudian I think he got a bit fed up, he confronted me to commit and he wanted to know whether I love him or not. Question, how do you answer that? How can you tell somebody you've just met that you don't love them back? I really struggle with that. I guess with my ex-gfs, I was the (only) guy in the relationship and I was the one that set the pace of the relationship. In the end he said let's just be casual, "dibawa nyantai aja" and "yah kita temenan aja" to be exact. So that's where we at, "friends", gue harus pake tanda kutip soalnya dia masih suka kirim sms "I miss you" every now and then, and from my side, I have to admit that the sex was great, man it was better that I thought it'd be. Until now, I can't believe how good it was, I felt I've missed out a lot. Let's just say that I wouldn't say no if the opportunity arises in the future for us to hook up again (namanya juga laki, lol). But that's it really, I don't think it could be more than just sex. So I guess we're friends with (possible) benefits, ato kata temen gue istilahnya adalah "Temen Tapi Mesra".
Now with Mr.B, I actually was/am interested in him and genuinely thought things could go further with him. He was nice, polite, educated and fun. He looks kinda cool I guess, judging from the number of guys that tried to hit on him during the night we met. And he kinda grew on me. I am no Brad Pritt too, so I like to believe looks come second to me, there is connection and chemistry and personality and stuff. Unfortunately though, the night we met was the last night for me in Jakarta last year. We spent the whole night together in the club and then we went back to his place, but he was too wasted to do anything, and being gentleman that I am (:p), we didn't actually have sex. But I think we both felt the connection and as much as I don't believe in long distance relationship, I was secretly determined to make it work.
Come to think of it, it does sound like a fairy tale like my friends said, but the difference is, instead of the "happy ever after" ending, the reality kicks in. Again, I was faced with the same issue. The next day he said he loved me, and we're boyfriends now and so on. I was trying my best to say let's get to know each other first before we say things like that, but he didn't want any of it. The thing is, I genuinely like him and really want to get to know him better and hoping we'll get there, you know, saying I love you and commit to each other and the rest of it, but not after a day, or even a week. Anyway, it went downhill after that, things got muddled up, communication was a problem too due to the time difference. And then we both got slightly angry at each other and now we're not really talking.
To tell you the truth, it broke my heart a little bit. I appreciate that being the one left behind wasn't easy for him, but I really wish he could see how I put a lot of effort and was trying my best. I called him in the airports, and the 1st day I got back, I bought blackberry phone so that we can bbm. I spent so much money in international phone calls, I stayed up late so that we can talk, and triedto be as accommodating as possible. I wouldn't normally do that for a girl, let alone a guy that I just met. But in the end, I guess I could never give what he wanted. I really can't muster the words I love him. I can't use those words, not to somebody that I've just met, despite how strong the feelings that I have for him.
ha ha ha, kok gue jadi sedih gini yah abis nulis ini, ada ada aja.
Anyway, that's the story so far. I wish somebody can enlighten me where I got it wrong. I'm not entirely sure why I can't say I love you like that. Mungkin karena budaya disini kaya gitu and di indo itu beda. Disini saying I love you is a big thing really, it's a big commitment. Mungkin juga gue yg byk trauma in the past with bad relationships, albeit with girls, it made me a bit careful with my heart and with other's too. Apa gue yang terlalu kaya icy queen yah, terlalu kaku and kuno and have less emotions than normal people. I don't know...
So that's it. For those of you who actually get to this point of the story, thank you and well done you!! I didn't realise how long it is , lol...
Anyway, thanks for reading, and please feel free to share your thoughts.
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Comments
Ciayoo ya. Tetap semangat
@yoedil6: boleh tanya, "lieur" itu apa yah? Rada ketinggalan jaman nih kalo soal bahasa gaul.
Terus terang, one of the reasons why I decided to try out with the guys, adalah karena gue pikir dengan cowok itu harusnya lebih mudah, lebih simple dibandingkan dengan cewek. I couldn't be more wrong hey?
membantu ya. Lieur itu pusing bukan bahasa gaul tapi bahasa sunda, bahasa daerah jawa barat.
Btw, I'm reading your litle story "littmann meets Hugo". I'm not finished yet, but what a great start. Well done!
By the way I was going to be a doctor too. I got accepted in Untar dan Trisakti, but my parents decided that we couldn't afford to have me study for that long and that expensive.
By the way, koess itu apa yah? I'm enjoying the story so far...
Untuk jadi dokter di Indonesia, semua orang menyelesaikan 2 fase pendidikan. Fase pertama 4tahun Sarjana Kedokteran dan 2 tahun Koass baru jadi dokter. Koass tahap lanjutan dari pendidikan dokter umum,disini calon dokter belajar langsung dari pasien dan hampir seperti pegawai rumah sakit tanpa bayaran.
@mellowboy: Oh I've heard about that,I think they call it interns in the US and F1 in the UK. Thanks for explaining yet another term that I don't quite understand. Kok blon tidur by the way, isn't it past bed time now in Jakarta?
Good luck
Sebenarnya lu ada dimana ya?
Gue suka membaca komik naruto, ada alasan khusus lu memasang gambar kakashi guru naruto jadi pp lu?
@mllowboy: Don't be sorry, I'm glad you caught some sleep. Temen2 gue yg didunia kedokteran disini kayanya pada sleep-deprived too. Plus kalo liat TV series "scrubs" juga begitu, ha ha ha.
Gue suka naruto. Tapi gue nonton filmnya, enggak baca bukunya. I love Kakashi, I guess I feel more like him in terms of characters that I have and what I'll like to develop. In short, I think he's cool. Lu juga suka anime? Who's your fav. character?
@Ambigu: Makasih dah baca dan comment. I'm glad you find it interesting.