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"Love of Siam 2" Full Chapter Sampai Selesai.
NOTE : Ane malas mentranslate siapa yang mau mentranslate nti silahkan ditranslate enjoy.
THE LOVE OF SIAM 2 (Fan Fiction) credit to RedbeD for the link and ceej16 for creating it
This is about the wonderful movie The Love of Siam by Chookiat Sakveerakul, Pitch, and Mario. I did this because of a compelling need to give Mew his well deserved happy ending. But of course with a few more drama
Chapter 1
It was a typical day in early January. The sun is already up but the air is cold and occasional strong winds still blow on the streets of Bangkok. Christmas vacation is over and today is the first day that students are coming back to school.
The events of the morning have been a blur to Mew. He was able to attend a couple of classes and before he knew it, it was already time to have lunch. He left his classroom without waiting for his friends and went straight to the cafeteria. After buying lunch, he went to the farthest unoccupied table and slowly picked on his food. He had been like this for a couple of weeks now – absent minded, glum, and more quiet than usual. He has yet to recover from his last conversation with Tong. They have stopped communication after seeing each other at the concert in Siam Square. Mew was thinking about how he was able to survive without his grandmother and now, how to survive without Tong. His thoughts were cut short, however, when someone sat across him.
"So you think you can get away from us?" said Alex.
"Hey…" greeted Mew silently.
"The last time I saw you, you were so happy. What happened over Christmas?" Alex was thinking about the last time he saw Mew at the concert.
"Uhm, nothing"
"Are you okay, Mew?"
"…"
"Have I told you before that I'm your friend and that you can trust me? Or that I love you and just say you want to be my boyfriend and I'll say yes?" Alex was smiling when he spoke to Mew.
"Do you want me to ignore you forever?" Mew replied smiling but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Ahahaha! You're no fun, you know that?"
The smile still traced Mew's lips but once again he sadly looked at his plate and slowly ate his food. Alex got the cue and ate his lunch as well. They ate in silence and not once looked at each other. Alex was the first one to break the ice.
"Seriously," he began "Mew, if you need to talk to someone, please—"
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry, I'm not just ready yet…" Both stopped eating. Mew raised his head and met Alex's gaze. Tears were already forming in his eyes and before he can wipe them out, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "This…is…you fault." Mew accused between sobs.
"Has anyone told you that you look cute when you cry?" Alex teased while handing Mew his handkerchief. Mew suddenly laughed at the unexpected comment. He grabbed Alex's handkerchief and slapped it playfully on his friend's face.
"Ouch!"
"You deserve it you *******!" Mew continued laughing.
"Well, it's not everyday that people see you cry."
The bell chimed before Mew can retort. The boys instinctive looked at the cafeteria clock and grunted in disgust.
"Let's go back to class?" volunteered Alex.
"Uhm, you go right up. I'll just go to the CR."
"Okay, later then." Alex stood up, gave Mew one last smile, then went back to class. Mew stayed seated while watching Alex leave. He released one deep sigh then stood up and went to the CR. He wiped his still moist eyes then pocketed the handkerchief. He should remember to give it back to Alex later. Surprisingly, he somehow felt less sad after talking to his friend.
The August band has just finished practicing for the night and the boys are already packing their instruments. Mew was sitting in one corner of the room and oblivious of everybody else. He remembered the first time Tong watched them practice. He remembered how happy he was to have Tong watch him sing and how happy he was to sing for Tong. He remembered the inexplicable feeling of having Tong sleep beside him; of having to wake smelling Tong from the pillow he used that night—"
"Don't tell me you'll cry again."
"What?" he glared at the person who's voice interrupted his reminiscing. "Oh, it's you." he dismissed the ever-smiling Alex. "Why is it that you always interrupt me when I'm thinking?"
"Good to see you too." Alex ignored the question. "Long time no see." Alex stood straight from leaning on the wall and sat beside Mew.
"You just finished practicing with me and the band, in case you haven't noticed." said Mew.
"You never talked to me again after our lunch last week. Are you mad or something?" asked Alex. Everybody's looking at them now. When Mew didn't answer, Alex signaled the band to finish cleaning up and stood again to finish his own packing. When all was done, everyone said their goodbyes and left Mew inside the studio.
A couple of minutes more and Mew was ready to go. He got his bag and went outside the building. He was surprised to see Alex waiting for him outside.
"Did you forget something?" Mew asked.
"I used to wait for you after practice, remember?" Alex's tone has a tinge of sadness.
"Oh, sorry, yeah—I mean…"
"It's okay. I just figured Tong won't be coming tonight to walk you home…"
"We… don't see each other anymore."
"That's what I guessed. Ready to go home?"
"Thank you, Alex. I appreciate this, but, you really don't have to do this."
"We live in the same area." Alex was smiling again. Mew closed his eyes, sighed deep, and smiled at Alex apologetically.
"I don't really know what's happening to me, I'm sorry."
"Hey, no need for apologies. I understand. It may be unclear the first time I told you this but just to make it clear, I do care for you." Alex curled his right hand on the back of Mew's neck and together they walked home.
Alex can't sleep. His eyes are closed but his mind is wide open. It's going to be a long night again, he thought to himself. How he can endure the pain he's feeling, he doesn't understand. He thought he's already over it but he quickly realized that he's simply mistaken. He thought he has finally found the courage to let Mew go when he saw how happy Mew was when Tong went back to his life.
Mew's happiness is his happiness even if it breaks his heart. But Tong left Mew again, the *******. He's thinking of taking his chance with Mew again. He forgot where he heard about the broken heart being the easiest to steal but he'd be damned if he would accidentally hurt Mew's feelings again. Mew's heart has simply had too much already for Alex to try to meddle with it again.
He already forgot when he really took notice of Mew. Maybe two years ago when he realized Mew was also gay or maybe he has dreamt of Mew long before they finally met. He doesn't really know. He tried showing Mew his feelings by being a totally loyal buddy but it seemed to not earn him anything but friendship; full and unadulterated friendship—what the ****. He tried to date girls next to see if Mew will get jealous but again, to no avail. Lastly, he tried something more daring—the time when he stuck his tongue into Mew's mouth during the P.E. class, where he suddenly chickened out and accused Mew of doing what he just did. He paid for it dearly, he knew. He suffered every time Mew ignored him. He almost transferred to another school if his mom didn't scold him non-stop.
Mew appealed to him like nobody else did. Maybe because Mew looks so vulnerable or that he simply can't resist their cute and talented lead singer. Nobody knew about this, of course. He dared not expose his feelings with Mew especially when his long lost boyfriend, Tong, came back. He doesn't think he'd match up to that guy anyway. He also hasn't told anybody in the band about it but he guesses it wouldn't matter if they knew and that he has a hunch they wouldn't really be surprised in any case, with him kissing Mew and all. But he was ready to give up Mew. To see him happy feels much better than to see him lonely and lost. ****ing martyr, he told himself. But Tong is out of the picture again and he can't help but to be drawn more to Mew. It's something painfully inescapable for him.
Fatigue finally caught up with Alex and slowly, his mind drifted into oblivion, into the darkness of the dreamless night
THE LOVE OF SIAM 2 (Fan Fiction) credit to RedbeD for the link and ceej16 for creating it
This is about the wonderful movie The Love of Siam by Chookiat Sakveerakul, Pitch, and Mario. I did this because of a compelling need to give Mew his well deserved happy ending. But of course with a few more drama
Chapter 1
It was a typical day in early January. The sun is already up but the air is cold and occasional strong winds still blow on the streets of Bangkok. Christmas vacation is over and today is the first day that students are coming back to school.
The events of the morning have been a blur to Mew. He was able to attend a couple of classes and before he knew it, it was already time to have lunch. He left his classroom without waiting for his friends and went straight to the cafeteria. After buying lunch, he went to the farthest unoccupied table and slowly picked on his food. He had been like this for a couple of weeks now – absent minded, glum, and more quiet than usual. He has yet to recover from his last conversation with Tong. They have stopped communication after seeing each other at the concert in Siam Square. Mew was thinking about how he was able to survive without his grandmother and now, how to survive without Tong. His thoughts were cut short, however, when someone sat across him.
"So you think you can get away from us?" said Alex.
"Hey…" greeted Mew silently.
"The last time I saw you, you were so happy. What happened over Christmas?" Alex was thinking about the last time he saw Mew at the concert.
"Uhm, nothing"
"Are you okay, Mew?"
"…"
"Have I told you before that I'm your friend and that you can trust me? Or that I love you and just say you want to be my boyfriend and I'll say yes?" Alex was smiling when he spoke to Mew.
"Do you want me to ignore you forever?" Mew replied smiling but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Ahahaha! You're no fun, you know that?"
The smile still traced Mew's lips but once again he sadly looked at his plate and slowly ate his food. Alex got the cue and ate his lunch as well. They ate in silence and not once looked at each other. Alex was the first one to break the ice.
"Seriously," he began "Mew, if you need to talk to someone, please—"
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry, I'm not just ready yet…" Both stopped eating. Mew raised his head and met Alex's gaze. Tears were already forming in his eyes and before he can wipe them out, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. "This…is…you fault." Mew accused between sobs.
"Has anyone told you that you look cute when you cry?" Alex teased while handing Mew his handkerchief. Mew suddenly laughed at the unexpected comment. He grabbed Alex's handkerchief and slapped it playfully on his friend's face.
"Ouch!"
"You deserve it you *******!" Mew continued laughing.
"Well, it's not everyday that people see you cry."
The bell chimed before Mew can retort. The boys instinctive looked at the cafeteria clock and grunted in disgust.
"Let's go back to class?" volunteered Alex.
"Uhm, you go right up. I'll just go to the CR."
"Okay, later then." Alex stood up, gave Mew one last smile, then went back to class. Mew stayed seated while watching Alex leave. He released one deep sigh then stood up and went to the CR. He wiped his still moist eyes then pocketed the handkerchief. He should remember to give it back to Alex later. Surprisingly, he somehow felt less sad after talking to his friend.
The August band has just finished practicing for the night and the boys are already packing their instruments. Mew was sitting in one corner of the room and oblivious of everybody else. He remembered the first time Tong watched them practice. He remembered how happy he was to have Tong watch him sing and how happy he was to sing for Tong. He remembered the inexplicable feeling of having Tong sleep beside him; of having to wake smelling Tong from the pillow he used that night—"
"Don't tell me you'll cry again."
"What?" he glared at the person who's voice interrupted his reminiscing. "Oh, it's you." he dismissed the ever-smiling Alex. "Why is it that you always interrupt me when I'm thinking?"
"Good to see you too." Alex ignored the question. "Long time no see." Alex stood straight from leaning on the wall and sat beside Mew.
"You just finished practicing with me and the band, in case you haven't noticed." said Mew.
"You never talked to me again after our lunch last week. Are you mad or something?" asked Alex. Everybody's looking at them now. When Mew didn't answer, Alex signaled the band to finish cleaning up and stood again to finish his own packing. When all was done, everyone said their goodbyes and left Mew inside the studio.
A couple of minutes more and Mew was ready to go. He got his bag and went outside the building. He was surprised to see Alex waiting for him outside.
"Did you forget something?" Mew asked.
"I used to wait for you after practice, remember?" Alex's tone has a tinge of sadness.
"Oh, sorry, yeah—I mean…"
"It's okay. I just figured Tong won't be coming tonight to walk you home…"
"We… don't see each other anymore."
"That's what I guessed. Ready to go home?"
"Thank you, Alex. I appreciate this, but, you really don't have to do this."
"We live in the same area." Alex was smiling again. Mew closed his eyes, sighed deep, and smiled at Alex apologetically.
"I don't really know what's happening to me, I'm sorry."
"Hey, no need for apologies. I understand. It may be unclear the first time I told you this but just to make it clear, I do care for you." Alex curled his right hand on the back of Mew's neck and together they walked home.
Alex can't sleep. His eyes are closed but his mind is wide open. It's going to be a long night again, he thought to himself. How he can endure the pain he's feeling, he doesn't understand. He thought he's already over it but he quickly realized that he's simply mistaken. He thought he has finally found the courage to let Mew go when he saw how happy Mew was when Tong went back to his life.
Mew's happiness is his happiness even if it breaks his heart. But Tong left Mew again, the *******. He's thinking of taking his chance with Mew again. He forgot where he heard about the broken heart being the easiest to steal but he'd be damned if he would accidentally hurt Mew's feelings again. Mew's heart has simply had too much already for Alex to try to meddle with it again.
He already forgot when he really took notice of Mew. Maybe two years ago when he realized Mew was also gay or maybe he has dreamt of Mew long before they finally met. He doesn't really know. He tried showing Mew his feelings by being a totally loyal buddy but it seemed to not earn him anything but friendship; full and unadulterated friendship—what the ****. He tried to date girls next to see if Mew will get jealous but again, to no avail. Lastly, he tried something more daring—the time when he stuck his tongue into Mew's mouth during the P.E. class, where he suddenly chickened out and accused Mew of doing what he just did. He paid for it dearly, he knew. He suffered every time Mew ignored him. He almost transferred to another school if his mom didn't scold him non-stop.
Mew appealed to him like nobody else did. Maybe because Mew looks so vulnerable or that he simply can't resist their cute and talented lead singer. Nobody knew about this, of course. He dared not expose his feelings with Mew especially when his long lost boyfriend, Tong, came back. He doesn't think he'd match up to that guy anyway. He also hasn't told anybody in the band about it but he guesses it wouldn't matter if they knew and that he has a hunch they wouldn't really be surprised in any case, with him kissing Mew and all. But he was ready to give up Mew. To see him happy feels much better than to see him lonely and lost. ****ing martyr, he told himself. But Tong is out of the picture again and he can't help but to be drawn more to Mew. It's something painfully inescapable for him.
Fatigue finally caught up with Alex and slowly, his mind drifted into oblivion, into the darkness of the dreamless night
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Bagus kok,gak usah di translate.tp kalo mau ya lewat www.translate.google.com aja.simpel
Bagus kok,gak usah di translate.tp kalo mau ya lewat www.translate.google.com aja.simpel
CHAPTER 2
Alex had never been happier during these last couple of weeks. Destiny or whatever it is that controls love must have finally been agreeing with him. For the very first time in what seemed to be forever, Mew was giving him attention. He seemed to be friendlier now. Well, not exactly friendlier because he is still in his usual grumpy mood. Maybe he's more—okay, he can't explain it. Let's just say that there's something in Mew which changed and it's favorable for him.
He had been eating lunch with Mew alone in the last two weeks. He had also been walking him home everyday after class or after practice. He was even able to invite Mew for dinner in his house the other night. The best part is that Mew seemed to be okay with it all. He's not sure but he thinks he's able to see the Mew he used to know; the uncomplicated and lovable Mew; the pre-Tong Mew. He's honestly getting irritated with Tong more and more. Tong doesn't have the right to do this to Mew. But, he might as well forget about the *******. Everything's going fine now and he's going to make sure Mew will love him soon—or later. Hopefully.
Their band mates already know how he's feeling about Mew. He felt their growing curiosity and since he feels that he doesn't have to hide anything, the got honest with them. Some got shocked but not the closest to them like Pingpong, who already expected it. He of course got the approval and the cheers. They all just want to see mew happy again. He just wishes he'll also have the courage to be honest with Mew and that he'd at least get a go signal from him to continue.
If he had been happy during the last weeks, tonight should be better because tonight is his lucky night. A strong rain just started and it is all over the city. He called Mew earlier to check if he's okay (an action, which he's doing pretty regularly now) and apparently, Mew had been stuck in a store in Siam Square because of the rain. Mew told him not to come anymore but he insisted on bringing an umbrella. The thought of being really close to Mew in the middle of the rain, surrounded by the lights of the city, made him giddy with excitement.
He's now only few meters away from the store and he noticed that there are a lot of people inside probably stuck as well. He immediately scanned the crowd when he got in but to his dismay, he cannot find Mew. He checked every corner of the small store but again, there was no Mew. He tried calling his mobile but the other line cannot be reached. He felt a little worried but brushed the feeling aside thinking that there's no reason for him to fear for his love. He didn't waste his time anymore and did the next logical thing. He decided to go to Mew's house.
He had been half walking and half running for only about 10 minutes when he saw Mew walking in the rain. He suddenly felt an unexplainable pang in his heart. He didn't stop running until he was beside Mew.
"Why didn't you wait for me?" Alex asked. The soaked Mew was surprised to see the out-of-breath Alex beside him. Alex repeated the question when Mew didn't answer.
"What are you doing?" Mew asked.
"What do you mean? I told you I'd bring you an umbrella." Alex was puzzled.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Mew…" Alex didn't know what to say. He can't really comprehend what Mew was asking but he can clearly see irritation in the other boy's face.
"You've been all over the place, I can't even think!" Mew exploded.
Alex cannot believe what he just heard. He felt his heart being squeezed tightly he found it hard to breathe. He needed time to think. His body felt rigid but his knees felt weak. Mew spoke again but no longer fuming.
"Alex, I'm sorry. I didn't…" Mew cannot finish the sentence. He had never seen Alex look so sad.
"Mew," Alex began, "I'm sorry if I bothered you. I was all over you because I love you. I just wanted to be near. But don't worry, I won't do it again. Take care." With that, he handed Mew his umbrella and started walking away. He wanted to run but his legs won't obey. He wanted to cry but he was too exhausted. He heard his name being called but he didn't bother to look back. He thought he'd leave Mew alone from now on. Then the tears came.
Mew was stunned by Alex's revelation. Shock prevented him from moving from where's he's standing. He felt panic while watching his best buddy walk away. He called, shouted Alex's name several times but Alex didn't look back. A few seconds more and the boy who loves him was already out of his sight[/quote]
Mew felt nervous as he walked towards his first class that Monday morning. He planned to talk to Alex later but he's afraid on how the latter will react. After he had that major episode with Alex last Friday night, he sent him text messages the following morning apologizing and explaining that he wasn't really expecting to be loved by him in that way. He, however, did not receive any reply from his friend.
When Mew reached the classroom, he quickly looked at Alex's chair. He was already there but he was reading a book. Mew felt a little disappointed and more nervous because Alex not greeting him in the morning means trouble. It seemed that Alex isn't ready to forgive him yet. Mew walked towards his own chair but never broke his stare into the guitar player in case he looks back. The class started a few minutes later and he had no choice but to focus on the lesson.
The bell rang at noon signaling lunch break. Mew quickly packed his notebooks and stood up. He was going to ask Alex to join him for lunch but he soon discovered that he was already out of the room. Mew felt irritated. Why is Alex being so hard on him? Mew thought. It's not as if he knew beforehand how he was feeling! Besides, because of him, he now doesn't have much time to think about Tong! Tong should be the sole and current occupant of his mind because he is the love of his life! He has the right to sulk as much as he wants because he had been left alone again!… But, of course he can't let Alex go… Lost love sucks but a broken friendship on top of everything would mean a whole new universe of sadness. So, he'll just have to think of a way to corner Alex later.
Classes resumed after lunch. Mew saw Alex came back with some of their band mates. While the other guys gave him unsure smiles and nods, Alex continued to ignore him. Few more hours passed and the afternoon classes are almost done. Mew, however, sneaked out of the class room a few minutes before the bell rang. When he got out of the room, he leaned on the classroom wall and waited for the class to end.
His classmates walked out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. He quickly grabbed the arm of the unsuspecting Alex as soon as he passed by him. Alex was startled and forcefully jerked his arm away from the aggressor. He was doubly surprised when he saw that it was Mew.
"What do you want?" Alex asked.
"I want you to listen to me."
"We've nothing to talk about."
"You just told me you love me and now we've nothing to talk about?" Mew felt bolder by the moment.
"Not here dammit!" Alex hissed. He looked around to see if anybody's listening but there was none.
"Why—" Mew was cut when Alex suddenly pulled him towards the stairs then outside the building. Mew was brought to a quiet part of the school grounds where no other students were present. Alex stopped and dropped Mew's hand.
"Talk." Alex commanded.
Mew was speechless. He was overwhelmed by the other's seriousness. A few more seconds and he finally got the courage to speak.
"I think you're being unfair." Mew accused.
"You're irritated by me, you made that clear. I'm now avoiding you, what's the problem with that?"
Mew didn't miss the acid in Alex's voice, which made him more irritated. "Well, that's not what I meant! I had no idea why you've suddenly given me so much attention. I never knew you love me!" All of Mew's energy suddenly evaporated from his body. He pleadingly looked at Alex. "I snapped at you but it doesn't mean I want you out of my life…"
"Yeah, right."
"I said I was sorry…" Mew held Alex's arm and spoke tenderly. "Alex, please… You're one of the few important people left in my life and I'd lose my mind if I lose you. I love you as a friend but it's okay if you have special feelings for me. I wouldn't want to lose all those years of friendship because of this. Please?" Mew was really pleading. He knew he'd go crazy if he loses this one.
(to be continued)
Alex was caught off guard by Mew's honesty. Well, he shouldn't really be surprised, he thought. Mew isn't the love of his life for nothing. He is intelligent, sensitive, good natured, and everything good that he can think of. And now that Mew is holding his arm and asking for forgiveness… how can he be heartless?
Alex looked down and sighed. He held the hand holding is right arm, brought it down and cupped it with his two hands. "I'm sorry for being such a *****." he said. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. Sorry Mew…"
"Hey…"
Silence.
Alex suddenly snickered. "Man, this is awkward." said Alex, laughing. He freed Mew's hand and looked into the boy's eyes. "Forget it, shall we?"
"You mean forget you told me you love me?" Mew teased.
"Hey! Don't rub it in! It still hurts you know!"
"I can kiss it so the pain would go away."
"Eww! You dirty animal!"
"If I remember it correctly, you're the one who kissed me—" Alex placed his palm on Mew's mouth before the other can finish his sentence.
"Stop right there, I know where you're going!" Alex said.
They were suddenly interrupted by a soft cough several feet away from them. To their surprise, half their band mates are watching with ogling eyes. "Does this mean you two are now together?" asked M.
"No we're not!" Mew who answered, smiling. "We're friends and nothing's going to change."
"Oh… okay."
"Okay!" Alex interrupted. "Can we go to the practice now?"
With that, everyone proceeded to go to the studio. Pingpong, however, noticed that Mew was not with them. He turned to where they came from and saw that Mew has not moved an inch. "Hey Mew, are you coming?" he called.
"Oh, yeah, sorry." Mew started to walk. He was paralyzed a minute back and he knew why. He waited for Alex to look at him and walk beside him to the studio… but Alex did not. He didn't know why he even expected that. But even so, it hurt.
Mew was walking home alone after practice. It was the first time he did so after a couple of weeks of Alex following him everywhere but curiously, it didn't feel right. He knew that Alex was just keeping his word to not be with him too much. But, it seemed that Alex's absence created a bigger hole in his heart. Sad and down, he dismissed the thought thinking that it should go away soon.
It had been two weeks since Mew reconciled with Alex. Things got back to normal with the August Band. They finally got a new manager and they're training hard for the upcoming events in summer. Aside from Mew joining his band mates again during lunch time and practicing after school, his days are composed mainly of school work and sleep. He already lost the energy to neither wander around the city shopping areas nor spend time with his friend, Ying.
During his free time, like now, lying awake in his bed, he tries to think about Tong. He thinks about what went wrong and what could have been. The problem, however, is that it always gets interrupted! Every time he thinks about Tong, it gets annoyingly interrupted by thoughts about Alex! Thoughts of Alex trying to make him smile; Alex walking him home; Alex bringing him umbrella when it's raining… Mew wanted to cry. He doesn't know how he feels and he definitely doesn't know how to react to these vague and scary feelings. It seemed that he misses Alex as intensely as he missed Tong several weeks ago.
Mew's cell phone started to ring. Who could be calling him at 10 in the evening? he thought. His heart started to pound hard, however, when he saw that it was Alex calling. He quickly answered the phone but tried not to sound so excited.
"Hello?"
"Hello, M, I was wondering if you got my notebook earlier."
"You dialed the wrong number, it's Mew." Mew wanted to throw his cell phone and weep.
"What? Oh… oh! Mew, I'm sorry! Sorry, did I wake you up? No wait, don't answer that. You're already probably sleeping. I'll put the phone down—"
"Wait! Hello?"
"Yeah? I'm still here."
"Would you like to go with me to the mall tomorrow? I plan to buy some things and maybe you could come with me?" Mew was desperately trying to lengthen his conversation with Alex.
"Uhm… no sorry. I'll be watching movie tomorrow with the guys."
"Okay, what movie are you watching?"
"Nothing you'd like. Hey, I've got to go now. Gotta call M. Night Mew..."
Mew listened to the cut line. Speechless. His heart already stopped drumming. He's not even sure if his heart is still beating. He never felt more rejected in his whole life.
Mew sat on his bed. With tears streaming down on his cheeks, he accepted the fact, which he has been denying himself all along. He loves Alex. He loves him with all his heart but it seems that everything's already too late. Why is there always something wrong? And why do these tears need to flow every time he gets his heart broken?
He clenched his fists. He can't take this any longer. He won't let this love go without fighting. With a new surge of bravery, he planned his moves on Alex.
(to be continued…)
Saturday. 3PM. Alex was lying on his bed, eyes closed, and enjoying the cold breeze coming from the window. He feels relaxed. He never thought that not thinking too much about Mew would do well for his health. When he stopped walking Mew home, he felt empowered. He realized that he can demonstrate strong self-control. And when he refused to go to the mall with Mew today, he found self-respect. Why would he want to push himself to be loved by someone when that someone's heart is already full of someone else?
Maybe somebody out there's waiting for me… he thought. He then smiled as he remembered the guy from the swimming team—the one he always catches looking at him. He's kind of cute… has wide shoulders… nice smile… big—
"You said you're going out today."
"MEW!" Alex suddenly jumped out his bed, grabbed a pillow, and covered his crotch—he was only wearing boxers. So much for self respect, he thought.
"Why did you have to lie?" asked Mew seriously.
"Who let you in?"
"Your mom."
"MOM!" Alex called.
"No use, she just went out. So…"
"So what?"
"Aren't you going to answer my question?"
"What question?"
"The one regarding your lie?"
"I don't have to explain anything."
Mew didn't comment on that. He looked at Alex then crouched to get Alex's shorts from the floor. He handed Alex the shorts and said, "You still have not gotten over the fact that I dumped you, huh?"
"Where did you get that idea?" Alex grabbed the shorts while warily looking at Mew.
"Because you're avoiding me! You said—"
"I said I won't bother you anymore didn't I? That's what I'm doing!"
"I…" Mew didn't know what to say. He was surprised at himself for shouting at Alex, but what confounded and hurt him more was when Alex shouted back.
Both boys looked at each other without speaking. Alex's eyes were alight with fury while Mew's were lifeless black orbs.
"I… just missed you, that's all..." Mew's head bowed as he walked towards the door.
Alex, however, won't let Mew go that fast. He grabbed Mew's arm then pulled the other boy into a tight embrace. "Why do you have to do this to me?" Alex whispered.
"So… does this mean we're together now?" Alex asked Mew. Alex was already wearing shorts and shirt. They were both lying on the bed and looking dreamily at the ceiling. It has already been more than an hour since their earlier confrontation.
Mew rolled and laid on his belly then on top of Alex; their faces a few inches away from each other. "Haven't I kissed you long enough? Or, how about this position… does it indicate that we're no longer just friends?" Mew answered, smiling.
"I guess so…" Alex smiled and kissed Mew briefly on the lips. "I just can't believe this is happening."
"Me too…" Mew rested his head on Alex's chest.
"Can you stay that way for a few more minutes? I'd like to get used to the feeling."
"I'd like that. But, uhm, what if your mom finds out?"
"She already knows—about me. I'm sure she'd be happy to know about us."
"That's good. I— uhm, never mind."
"What?"
"No, nothing. So, what do we do next?"
"Sex?"
"No!" Mew suddenly sat up.
"So, I don't appeal to you, huh?" Alex teased.
"No, what I mean is, not yet. What I was asking was: what's our plan? Aren't we supposed to go on a date or something?"
"A date is good. That's when we get to smooch after, right?"
"Be serious!"
"Okay, okay, sorry!" Alex laughed. "We can do it on Wednesday, if you want. It's Valentine's Day."
"Oh yeah! Where'd we go?"
"Why don't you leave it to me?"
Mew looked at Alex "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
Mew took Alex's hand and looked at his boyfriend, "Why haven't I seen the great boyfriend in you before?"
Tuesday. 5PM. Mew was walking home after school. Alex had to run some errands so he wasn't able to walk Mew home. Mew had to look for a cover, however, when it suddenly started raining. He squeezed himself into a crowded waiting shed beside a bus stop. He was waiting for the rain to lighten so he can run his way home without getting really soaked. Alex would surely be mad but he has no choice.
"Mew" His heart gave a skip when he heard the familiar voice called his name.
"Mew" The caller repeated.
Mew looked behind to see who called and his heart was pounding hard.
"Tong…" Mew's voice sounded neutral but he was actually trying to steady himself. It has been forever since he last saw his cherished Tong.
"Hey, how are—" Tong coughed before he was able to finish his question.
"Are you okay?" Mew asked as he held Tong's shoulder. He became concerned about his friend when he saw that he didn't look well.
"Uh, yeah…" Tong tried to lie but he swooned a bit so his friend was not convinced.
"Uh-huh. Anyway, I'll accompany you home."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
"Thanks."
The boys rode a bus to Tong's house in silence. When they were already in front of the house, Mew said goodbye to Tong.
"Won't you be going inside?" asked Tong.
"Your… mom may not like it."
"It's okay," Tong smiled "she's now fine with it. Besides, they won't be home till Saturday."
Mew didn't argue anymore. A light rain started again and he doesn't want Tong's condition to get worse.
Mew was cooking dinner when he remembered to call Alex. When he checked his cell phone, he saw that there were already five missed calls from Alex. He dialed the other's number right away and his call was immediately picked-up.
"Hello, Mew?" Alex spoke.
"Alex, sorry, I wasn't able to call you earlier. I've had a bit of an emergency."
"What? Where are you?"
"Oh, no, it's nothing serious."
"What is it?"
"Don't worry, I'll explain it tomorrow…"
"Well, if you say so. Don't forget our date tomorrow, okay?"
"Uhm, yeah, of course."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Absolutely."
"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow… I love you…"
"Me too… Bye…"
Mew hung up the phone. He felt conflicted. He's not sure how Alex will take the situation. He loves his boyfriend but everything became so complicated all of a sudden.
"Mew, are you okay?" Tong called from the dining area. He was already preparing the plates.
"Hey, you shouldn't be moving too much. You're not feeling well. Have you taken your aspirin?"
Tong laughed a little then gave Mew a loving look. "You worry too much, you know? Well, yes boss, I've taken my medicine."
Mew's heart fluttered. He forgot how Tong used to make him feel. This is also what he has always imagined how things would turn out. Mew and Tong, happily living together. But things have already changed. Alex is already in the picture and he loves his boyfriend very much. But… there's always the big 'BUT'. Mew let his mind rest for the moment. Regardless of whatever he's feeling right now, Tong is in need of help and he can't leave his friend alone.
Dinner has already passed and both boys are lying on Tong's bed.
"Thank you for staying." said Tong.
"Tong?"
"Hmmm?" Tong turned to face Mew and laid his arm on Mew's chest. He could feel the other boy's fast heartbeat.
"I need to tell you something…"
"I missed you, Mew. I missed you so much; I thought I'd never see you again. It sure was lonely without you around…" Tong leaned and kissed Mew on the cheek. "Oh, sorry. You were going to tell me something?"
Mew was speechless. He didn't know how to react to what just happened.
"Mew?"
"Oh, nothing. Never mind…"
"Okay. I'm really happy you're here right now but I'm really tired…"
"Sleep now, Tong."
"Can I rest my head on your chest?"
"Come here." Mew guided Tong's head on to his chest. Disregarding his confused heart, Mew went to sleep in the hope that tomorrow will clear his mind.
Mew woke up at around 3AM. He heard Tong talking in his sleep. He felt Tong's forehead and it was really hot. He got out of the bed and went to the kitchen. He got some cold water from the refrigerator and poured it in a small basin. When he went back to the room, he searched for a face towel in Tong's cabinet. He saw one and dipped it in the water. When he went back to Tong's side, he squeezed the towel to dry a bit, and put it on Tong's forehead. He repeated the process until he was sure Tong's fever already subsided. When he checked the clock again, it was already five o'clock. He tiredly put the basin on the floor and gingerly went back to sleep.
Mew suddenly sat straight when he woke up again. The room was already bright with sunshine. He looked at his watch and saw that it was already 9AM. He then looked at his right and saw Tong looking at him, smiling weakly.
"Good morning." said Tong.
"Good morning." said Mew then went to get his toothbrush from his bag and went to the bathroom. When he came back, Tong was sitting on the bed. Mew sat beside him.
"Sorry, I had you miss class today."
"That's okay." Mew felt Tong's forehead. "Your fever already went down. Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, sir…" Tong smiled. "Anyway, I have brushed my teeth earlier."
Mew was puzzled, "So?"
"So, this…" Tong kissed Mew on the lips. Mew's mouth slightly opened in surprise, which gave Tong the opportunity to enter his tongue into it.
Mew pulled back and broke the kiss. Both boys looked at each other intently. Mew's eyes were in shock while Tong's was full of love. The latter broke the silence first.
"Mew, I'm sorry, I know I surprised you... but I really really missed you. Last night when I saw you, I thought my heart was going to explode. These weeks that I haven't seen you... was agony." Tong was already out of breath but since Mew was still silent, he took the opportunity to explain more. "I know what I did was unthinkable and I'm so sorry... If you give me one more chance-"
"Tong?"
"Yes?"
"I… I already have a boyfriend."
Tong was shocked. He felt his heart drumming harder. Earlier it was drumming because his love was overflowing; now, he just feels like everything is falling. He didn't expect this from Mew.
Tong was really confused and hurting. He didn't know what else to do but gently hold Mew's hands and apologize, "Sorry Mew, I didn't know… I..."
"It's Alex."
"I... I see." Tong felt a thousand needles pricking his heart.
"And he's probably wondering where I am right now." Mew didn't know what to do either. Right now, he just wants clear things out and leave to think.
…
"Tong?"
Tong sadly looked at Mew in the eyes.
"I can't see you anymore. Alex and I are together now and I really want to give our relationship a try."
Tong's chest felt heavier. He was about to say something when Mew's phone rang. Mew answered the call from his boyfriend.
"Hello?"
"Mew! Where are you? Why didn't you go to school?"
"I already told you…"
"No, you didn't. I'm worried sick. Tell me where you are and I'll pick you up."
"I'm…"
"Where?"
"at Tong's house…"
"What are—what?"
"At Tong's—"
"I know! But what are you doing there? And is that why you didn't want to tell me where you are?"
"He was sick and I had to take care of him…"
"Why?"
"Because he's my friend!"
"And you slept beside him?"
"Yes!" Mew was getting irritated.
"WHAT?"
"But it's not what you think! I told you he was sick!"
"Uh-huh."
"Alex, please…" Mew was getting nervous. He has a dreadful feeling on where this conversation will end.
"Well, good luck on taking care of your friend."
"Alex…"
"By the way, you can forget our date later. I'm sure you've already forgotten about me anyway."
"ALEX!" Mew exclaimed but the line was already dead.
There goes the love of my life, Tong thought as he watched Mew's eyes lifelessly stare into abyss.
"I need to leave." said Mew.
Tong didn't hold his feelings any longer. He hugged Mew as tight as he could and spoke as tears form in his eyes, "I'm sorry I let you down when you needed me. If you give me one more chance, I promise to wait for you… I promise to wait long enough…"
Mew buried his head in Tong's neck. He too was tearing up. A few more minutes and they broke the embrace.
"I don't know, Tong." Mew sobbed.
"Then all I can do is hope."
…
"I'll miss you."
"You better." Mew tried to smile. "I'll miss you too."
Tong gave Mew a final kiss on the forehead then Mew left. I'll look for you if you don't come back, Tong resolved as he watched Mew walk away.
MEW
I've always known Christmas seasons to be cold… but it can be as freezing as North Pole even in a tropical country. When you have a bad case of broken heart, that is.
You all know I went to him after that night with Tong, right? I swear I ran like a maniac just to be with him—with my heart hammering and all. But it was like…I arrived in the terminal too late. Like when all the trains already took off.
I had been 10 months since that unfortunate event... and I'm still waiting for the train to come back. (Sigh…) It's December once again. What's with December and my poor heart, anyway? I always feel like bleeding when it's supposed to be the happiest time of the year. Like now, listening to the church choir sing the magnificent Canon in D, my heart feels like being squeezed by a metal hand, and it's hard to breathe… What's a Buddhist like me doing in a Catholic church anyway? Well, before I get ahead of myself, let me brief you about what happened during these past several months first.
Alex and I were supposed to have our first date on Valentine's, right? Then I saw Tong… and made the biggest mistake of my life. Hey, I mean, what are you going to do when you see your old best friend sick and all alone? Anyway, so Alex learned everything and went mad. I mean, when I finally talked to him, he was so cold to me and not asked for any explanation. He was just lying on his bed and crying bitterly. That got me you know—breaking his heart…
I begged, explained, and cried, but my tears were not enough to rouse him up from his silence. Days passed and not a word for me came from him. I never thought I could go any more bruised. After I apologized several times, I knew I couldn't do anything else so I thought everything should already be up to him. I knew we couldn't be together anymore... but I never stopped wishing. I tried to at least make it up to him by being the best bud he could ever have even if he didn't care.
I was so humbled I can barely recognize my self.
Anyway, he didn't quit the band, thank goodness; though he didn't talk to me at first. Thanks to all our band mates, we were able to survive all those practices and stage appearances. He…he forgave me eventually. I guess he realized we'd still have to talk somehow. That was about five months ago. I was so happy then. I almost thought everything would go back to normal. I was mistaken of course because that was basically it—talking to me during rehearsals so our life would be easier.
Alex has changed as well. He's still fun loving but not as much as before. It's as if he had grown so much in such a short time. Aside from his now long hair, which makes him look older, he became more serious about his studies, and he now speaks with more maturity. He's still good with everybody. He's good with his parents, classmates, and friends (even with me post break-up). He just ignores me most of the time but he never really said anything bad to me. The hardest part of everything is the fact that I loved him more. I never stopped, you see... Day by day, as I watch him grow, I couldn't help but admire him more and feel sad at the same time. As I realized what a great person he really is, my heart swelled with so much affection—it hurt.
Sometimes, when he realizes he's warming up to me again, he starts getting cold suddenly, then ignores me, then shoos me away. Well, not really shoos me away but I kind of get the feeling when he doesn't want me around anymore. And I, being the ****ing martyr I've always been, wait for the next time when he'll talk to me again. (Sigh…) Sad, I know. I've always been pathetic, but this… this brings me literally to tears. Especially tonight that it's finally, finally over…
I really want to tell you more about how it's been because those were at least happy memories. Because those are all I have now. Because now in this freezing night, inside this huge-almost-empty church… as I listen to choir practice, I'm crying my heart out. I've been here for about an hour, or two, or three maybe. I don't know. I've lost count already. I never thought this could happen in real life… lose count of the hours.
It was raining earlier, you see. Alex was stuck in a store somewhere. He called to ask me to bring him an umbrella. Silly me; I fell for that one. Ha-ha. Anyway, I said to myself, finally.
He asked me to bring two umbrellas—one for each of us. And me, thinking sharing one umbrella is better, just brought one, of course.
"Hey, Alex." I said to him smiling as I saw him standing in the middle of the store.
"Hey, uhm, you only brought one umbrella?"
"Uhm, I thought, since we're going the same way…"
"Oh, sorry, I should have told you… I just really need an umbrella. I'll be going somewhere else."
My pride went down the drain.
"Oh… anyway, here. Just have this." I handed him the umbrella. I know, pathetic.
"Thanks." He got my umbrella and walked away.
That's it? I couldn't believe what happened. I was almost tearing up as I watch him walk away when things suddenly seemed to stop as I saw him talk to a guy on the other side of the store. I clearly saw the look on that guy's eyes. That's how I look at Alex... Then they smiled at each other and walked out of the store. I was so shocked I couldn't move... But I had to follow him—I had to.
I ran outside; under the light rain.
"Alex!" I shouted. Alex and the guy turned to look at me.
"Why did you make me bring it?" I was shaking.
"Because I know you would." He smiled and again, they walked away.
My heart just broke. Like the worst of all broken hearts. The thousand pieces splattered all over the floor—while other people walk all over them. That's how I got here, by the way. I was so lonely; I just had to go somewhere. Then I saw this huge building, with lights on, and doors wide open. I knew anybody's free to go in so I did. I didn't know where else to go. At least I'm welcome here.
Hey, I think the rain has already stopped. It's time for me to go home—even if no one's waiting for me there…[/quote]
Mew's feet felt heavy as he walked home from the church. Light rain still poured from the sky but he couldn't care less. His eyes were still red from crying but he never thought of what people would think. He only wanted to get home and succumb to the safety of his bedroom.
Mew reached his house and stood in front of it for some moment. I should have left a light open earlier, he thought. He went inside and as soon as he switched on the light, someone called his name from the door.
"Mew"
Mew turned to the owner of the voice. Before he can even speak, tears flowed freely from his eyes. "Ying" Mew said softly.
"Mew… what happened?" Ying embraced Mew.
Mew continued crying; he cannot speak. After several minutes, as his crying became soft sighs, Mew moved away from the embrace and wiped his eyes. He smiled meekly the apologized to his friend.
"Sorry… I'm such a baby…"
Ying was still holding Mew's arms. "Hey. That's what I'm here for."
Mew's stomach growled. He had not eaten anything since lunch and it's almost 10 in the evening. Ying smiled at Mew and led him to sit in the dining area.
"Wait here. I think there's still some chicken soup left in my house."
"I'm really okay, you don't have to—"
"No, you're not arguing with me on this one. Don't move okay?" Ying went out of the house before Mew could reply.
Ying came back with some food after a few minutes. She didn't let Mew talk until he finished his dinner. The latter, on the other hand, ate heartily. He didn't realize how hungry he really was until his body protested. When he finished eating, Ying brought the dishes to the sink and came back to Mew right away.
"Thanks… that was delicious."
Ying held Mew's hand. "Mew, I know we haven't talked much this past few months and a lot of things have obviously happened… With you and Alex, and me, having a boyfriend… But still, you know I'm always here for you, right?"
"I know…"
"Anyway, you look tired, you should already sleep. Talk to me when you're ready, okay?"
"Is it okay if you stay? I really need to talk to someone right now."
Mew told Ying the recent events in his life. They haven't talked about anything for a while and Mew poured his heart out. Ying listened closely and both laughed and shed tears as they rediscover their old friendship.
"I'm really glad you're here" said Mew.
Ying smiled and pinched her friend's nose. "I've never seen you cry before and I didn't know you can look cute crying."
Mew's heart skipped. That's what Alex told him the first time he saw him cry.
Mew smiled. "No, really... With what happened tonight, I really didn't know what to do. Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about your boyfriend. I don't know anything about him except he's a common friend of you and Tong."
"That, my dear, is for another night. I'm now happy and that's what you need to remember. Tonight is yours and we… are going to talk about you. Anyway, speaking of Tong, his torch is still burning for you, you know."
"I don't know… He and I… aren't meant to be right now, I guess. Plus, it's an issue with his mom so I think it won't work anyway."
"Oh, but it's okay with his mom now. At least that's what he told me. I think they talked about it last year."
"Oh…"
"But. You've got a point. I don't think you should consider it yet especially right now. Anyway, what are you going to do now?"
Mew smiled. "Uhm, if love comes back knocking on the door of my heart, I'll tell him nobody's home."
Ying slapped Mew's arm lightly then both laughed at what Mew said. "So bitter!"
"Well, that's how I feel right now."
"Well, thank goodness you're back. That's the Mew I know: bitter, sour, and moody."
"Oh, yeah?" Mew was smiling broadly.
"You bet you are! I mean, you're now going to forget about love, right?"
"That and 'caring' too—since you only get hurt when you start to care."
"Seriously?"
"You can also forget about crying! I'm sick and tired of crying, I'd rather tape my tear ducts shut than cry again."
"Wow, talk about turning over a new leaf! If I remember it correctly, you soaked my blouse with tears!"
"Okay, you start by forgetting that." Mew was already laughing.
Ying looked at the wall clock and noticed that it was already midnight. "Hey Mew…" Ying said in a serious voice, "whatever it is that you're facing right now, I know you can overcome it."
Mew stopped laughing and inhaled deeply.
"You've been through this and a lot more. Be strong, okay?"
Mew looked and his friend and smiled. Surprisingly, he thought his day wouldn't end with tears.
"Thank you Ying," said Mew.
Ying stood up. "And… don't make don't rush making decisions."
Mew stood up as well and gave Ying a hug. "Okay…"
When Ying was already out of the house, Mew washed the dishes and prepared for bed.
Mew sat on the spot where he and Tong used to sit when they where still kids. He inhaled deeply as he enjoyed the breeze coming from the river. He never really thought he'd come back to this place after Tong went away. But when he woke up this morning, he felt he needed to get out of the house. Since it's already Christmas Eve and they don't have classes anymore, his feet led him to this place, which reminded him so much of his childhood. He has already forgotten his specific conversations here with Tong but he knew that they were all wonderful. Maybe that's the reason he got himself here earlier anyway, he told himself. The feeling of comfort that this place provided him was an oasis to the turmoil called his life.
His conversation with Ying last night also gave him a glimmer of hope. Although he still generally felt down, he now knew that crying will not bring him anywhere. He can choose to stop himself from falling in love again or, he can just charge everything to experience. It didn't really take him long to decide to choose the latter. With his experience of surviving three losses, he thought taking some more chances can no longer bring him down. Besides, choosing to stop one's self from loving is a little bit ridiculous, if not impossible.
As he closed his eyes, he thanked Buddha for the cold weather—that it suited his emotions. But he thought he has had enough of the cold weather already and that he'd be happy to look forward again to the warmth of summer. He wished to Buddha for summer to come soon.
Mew would have wanted to stay longer but by lunch time, he heard the crumbling sound stomachs make when they're hungry. If he really wanted a new beginning, he thought, he'd better start with himself. So, against his recent habit of skipping meals, he stood up to go home and eat. Before he left however, he made a decision on the matter he was avoiding earlier. He'd have to say goodbye to Alex for now. Alex clearly doesn't want him back and he'd have to accept that. He also never thought Alex could hurt him deliberately. But well, it's almost the same feeling when Tong dumped him. He promised he won't cry again, but you can't retrieve fallen teardrops, right? With eyes brimming with tears, he looked once more at the river. "I guess I won't be here in a while again," he said, and then walked away.
4PM- TONG
It's already been a year. I hope you don't mind if I see you tonight, Mew…
6PM [In a bus from Chiang Mai] - ALEX
What have I done? Mew, please forgive me… please wait for me….[/quote]
Mew woke up with a start. He hurriedly looked at his watch and cursed as he saw that it was almost 9pm. He just closed his eyes earlier to think whether to go to Alex or not… but of course, he didn't realize that he dozed off. Now however, he already knew that he needed— wanted— to go to Alex. He doesn't know how he would react when he sees him but right now, his heart aches with longing… He shouldn't be feeling it anymore after what has happened but well…
He's sure of one thing though. Only one of two things can happen tonight: the final closure of their relationship or the start of a new beginning.
Mew's heart was pounding as he went out of his house a few minutes later. Alex said he'd be at the bus station by 7 so he's already two hours late. He was afraid that by the time he arrives everything would be too late. But he has to wait for me, Mew thought.
Me was never a big believer of romantic stories but he wished with all his heart, in the name of all the sappy movies he ever watched, for Alex to wait for him. Please wait for me… Mew whispered.
Unnoticed by him however, was the worried Tong looking at him from the other side of the street. As Mew passed by, Tong can't help but feel cruel pins ***** his heart. But he's already used to it by now, since this feeling found him the moment he let go of Mew.
It has been more than two hours since Alex arrived in the bus station. He was a mixture of emotions: stressed, troubled, hurt, in love, nervous, and fatigued—like he was a hub of emotions, which morphed into a human being. Finally, he settled into just being sad as he accepted the fact that Mew will not come anymore. He wanted to call him earlier but his mobile phone battery is already empty and he didn't want to look for a pay phone because he might miss Mew when he comes.
Alex stood up from where he was sitting and decided to leave; the bus station is already closing anyway. If Mew doesn't want to see me, then fine, I'd go look for him… Alex thought. With a new resolve, he carried all his bags and went out.
Mew was panting when he reached the meeting place. He stood in front of the dark terminal and berated himself, "What was I expecting?" he smiled bitterly and inhaled deeply. He closed his eyes tightly before his tears decide to fall. He willed himself not to cry even if his heart feels like being squeezed to a pulp.
"If you want to go to Chiangmai, I promise to bring you there tomorrow."
Mew turned back and saw Tong standing near him. Mew was startled; he couldn't move a muscle. His mouth was agape as he watched Tong came and hugged him tightly. Mew would have wanted to hold his tears back but he failed, miserably. He found his hands embracing Tong while his head leaned on Tong's left shoulder as he softly cry.
As Mew cry his heart out on Tong's shoulders, Tong's heart was experiencing its own aches. He thought of what a character on TV once said: Don't befriend the one you love, she will only cry on your shoulders. Well, I guess that's me then, Tong thought, the friend who gets to comfort the hurt loved one even though it was a fault of someone else.
"Everything's going to be okay…" Tong said, still embracing Mew. Both boys were oblivious of the outside world, of some people looking at them, of the cold breeze, and of the clear night that appeared after a season of dark clouds and rain. Mew pulled from the embrace and smiled weakly at Tong. "You shouldn't be following me around or I'll only cry on your shoulders," said Mew.
Tong felt out of breath. Don't rub it in, he thought; but said, "It's okay, I wouldn't want you crying on another guy's shoulder anyway."
Mew inhaled again and smelt Tong's scent. He felt a bit weird but he kind of missed that smell – that fresh sweet smell of young wood. "Thanks, by the way. I now feel better."
"Uhm, but why are you going to Chiangmai at this hour?"
"No, I wasn't going there. I was just supposed to meet someone."
Damn! I should have known, Tong thought. "Alex, huh?"
"Who else?"
"Lucky *******." Tong smiled at Mew. "But since it looks like it didn't go well, would you like to tell me about it?"
"Yeah, I guess… uhm… would you walk me home?"
"Sure"
"Anyway..."
"How did you know I was going here?"
"Well, I heard someone calling my name and I thought it might be you." Tong smiled sweetly and leaned to kiss Mew on the nose. Mew blushed. "Hehe, sorry. I got… uhm… I mean, uhm.." Tong tried to explain.
"Silly... hehe... Let's go?" Mew was flattered with how he can make the cool Tong react like this.
Tong held his hand and they started to walk home. "I hope it's okay if I hold your hand," said Tong. Mew was a little uncomfortable but he nodded. Although he was feeling a little guilty, at the back of his mind, he thought that this was his revenge to his **** of an ex-boyfriend.
Tong, on the other hand, was like walking in the clouds. He never thought this would still be possible. He suddenly became aware of the bright moon, the countless stars that decorated the sky, and the happiness that he felt—even though Mew was tearing up as he talk about his sad year. I guess I still have hope, Tong thought happily. But of course, he didn't let Mew see it.
Tong wanted the moment to last longer but in no time, they were already near Mew's house. He was looking at Mew lovingly when he saw him froze. He followed his gaze and saw Alex standing in front of Mew's door, looking at them. His clenched his left hand at the sight of Alex. He then felt Mew free his hand from him.
Alex's heart was pounding. He wanted to punch Tong but he wanted Mew to forgive him more. He went to them and talked to Mew, completely ignoring Tong.
"I wanted to see you to apologize."
Mew looked at him expressionless, and then spoke, "I came to look for you at the bus station."
Alex's heart skipped a beat and tears started to fall from his eyes. "I'm sorry Mew…" He wiped his tears away before he totally breaks down. Mew was stricken by what Alex did. He never thought Alex would sincerely regret what he did. But nothing could have prepared Mew from what happened next.
Alex grabbed his hands and asked, "Can I sleep in your house tonight? I don't have a place to stay for tonight…"
Before Mew could react, Tong spoke. "Mew, can you please let me stay with you tonight? I also don't have a place to stay…"
Mew was leaning on the door inside his room. For the nth time that evening, he took a deep breath. He slowly slumped on the floor and covered his face with his hands. I couldn't have done anything, he reasoned to himself. He thought about what happened earlier and he still couldn't believe how his two 'friends' ended up staying in his house for the night.
When the two guys asked his permission to sleep over, he was flabbergasted. He froze like a comic statue with mouth ajar and a lone sweat-drop pasted on his forehead. He tried to argue with "uhms" and "buts" but he was no match for the stern looks he got from Tong and Alex. When he came to think about it, he felt like he was bullied into agreeing into letting them get their way. What were they thinking anyway? he asked himself.
A few minutes later, he decided to go down to the dining area where they were waiting for him. He stood up and turned around to open the door when he suddenly blacked out for a second and lost his balance. He then fell on the floor with a dull thud. "What the ****?" he grunted. He had not eaten since lunch, he remembered; and it's almost midnight. He sat up and tried to stand up when the door abruptly opened, knocking him down.
"Ouch," complained Mew.
Alex was horrified. "Oh no, Mew, I'm sorry! I thought… I heard—" He cut himself from blabbering when he realized that Mew was still lying on the floor, hands on his head. He quickly helped Mew stand up then continued apologizing.
"I'm okay, don't worry…" said Mew, massaging his temple.
Alex looked like a sad little puppy that Mew couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Alex looked down the floor and spoke, "What took you so long…? You went up almost an hour ago… if I make you uncomfortable, it's okay if—"
"Hey," Mew interrupted, "don't think too much about it. I was just doing something and I… kind of just forgot about the time. Sorry, okay?"
"Sure thing." Alex smiled a bit. "Uhh, we made dinner… would you like to go downstairs?"
"Yeah, I'm already hungry, thanks."
Mew thanked the other boys silently as he went down the stairs. As usual, he only realized he was hungry until it's almost too painful to bear. He stopped at his tracks however, when he saw that the dining area was transformed into an elegant-looking-Christmas-lighted place. The table now has a table cloth with flowers and delicious looking food on top. Beside the table was a smiling and guilty looking Tong.
"How…" Mew cannot form the sentence.
"Let's just say," Tong pulled a chair and signaled Mew to sit there, "I was kind of planning this—with Ying's help." After Mew sat, he pulled a chair for himself and sat as well. Tong was completely ignoring the dagger looks that Alex was throwing him. Tong was sitting on Mew's left while Alex sat on Mew's right. On the table were cups of hot chocolate, some bread, ham, and a bowl of apples, grapes, and oranges. There was also a pair of expensive-looking china wares…for him and for Tong. Alex, however, got the old dining wares he usually use at home.
"Let's just also say," Alex spoke, looking grimly at Tong, "Tong planned this only for the two of you." He then looked at Mew, "So, sorry for interrupting."
Mew's eyes widened. He quickly raised his hands a bit and waved them like crazy, "No-no-no-no! It's not what you think!" He looked at Tong for support. To his disgust, Tong smiled and said, "It's what he thinks it is." Tong threw a challenging look at Alex. Both boys looked at each other, eye to eye.
Dead air.
I can't believe this is happening! Mew thought. "Guys please, a-ha-ha-ha…"
More dead air.
Mew wanted to die right there and then.
A full minute passed and Tong broke the silence. He looked at them and smiled sweetly. "Merry Christmas, Mew… Alex." Both boys were taken aback.
"Oh…" Mew looked at the wall clock. It was five minutes passed midnight. "Oh… yeah… Merry Christmas too…"
"Uhm, Merry Christmas guys" said Alex.
Mew remembered the first and last time he spent Christmas with Tong when they were kids… and last year, when he got dumped; both were filled with sad memories. Mew's just happy that they're finally spending a normal Christmas—warm, cozy, and without drama. This is really sweet, Mew thought. Tong and Mew smiled at each other.
As if by magic, the tension earlier completely dissipated. The boys ate their meal in peace. They even shared stories and laughed at each others' jokes.
When the meal was over, Mew tidied up the table while Tong and Alex washed the dishes in silence. Mew looked at his ex-boyfriend and his almost-boyfriend disbelievingly and thought, "So the war isn't over yet."
Mew couldn't have guessed better because when bedtime came, both insisted on sleeping beside Mew.
Mew can't sleep. He felt weird lying between Tong (on his right) and Alex (on his left). His brain was swarming with thoughts. I admit that it's nice… okay, exciting. But… damn! How did I end up here? Why did Tong come back? Why did Alex forgive me all of a sudden? How am I going to think about my issues when my issues are lying beside me? Who am I going to choose? WHAT? Why am I choosing?
A thousand more questions flooded Mew and it was almost morning when the dream king took him. He dreamt about his grandmother, about Ying, about Alex, about Tong, about weird stuffs and happier days.
Mew woke up with the sun shining from his window. His eyes felt blinded by the light so he groggily tried to pull his blanket to his face. He realized however, that the blanket was stuck on something. He was shocked when he remembered that the two other boys slept beside him a few hours ago. His senses came to full alert. His heart fluttered in frenzy as he carefully moved his head left and right to verify that they were still really sleeping. Relief washed over him as he saw that both were fast asleep. His heart felt like it won't stop hammering soon, so he gently got up before his heartbeat wake the others up. Mew lifted and moved his Tong's arm that was lying on his stomach, and quietly budged out of the bed.
He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror, and unable to restrain his emotions, he gave himself a full and animated toothy grin. He has not felt this way since the first night that Tong kissed him. Now, of course, he's thinking of two guys instead of one. Stop yourself from giggling like a gay kid, he told himself. He knew that being with the two boys at once will create a problem, but he tried to put the bad feelings aside, just for this special day. Today, he decided to just appreciate all the love he can get. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he got a fresh shirt and changed.
Mew went to the kitchen to make breakfast. He has got some eggs, strips of bacon, bread, cheese, and hotdogs. While frying some eggs, he started brewing the coffee that his aunt bought from the Philippines. He decided to heat the bread later, when the others are already awake. He was washing some dishes when he yelped after a pair of arms embraced him from behind. "You smell good… can I have you for breakfast?" said Tong, as he sleepily laid his head on Mew's left shoulder. Mew's heart was pounding so hard, he was afraid he'd **** it out.
"Tong…" started Mew, as he inhaled Tong's mint smelling breath and felt Tong's lips touch his cheek. He was in the middle of an emerging panic attack when he felt Tong abruptly pull away. He quickly turned around and saw that a deadly-looking Alex was holding the arm of an equally deadly-looking Tong. It was as if they were both on fire… while Mew was melting in embarrassment. Mew chose to stay quiet, in fear that their rage would turn and focus on him. But as expected, he still ended up as the main attraction. Alex turned to him and held his shoulder, and without a warning, kissed him on his lips. And before Tong could react, Alex pulled a bit. "Good morning," said Alex, looking less grumpy. Mew's eyes were wide as saucers and didn't now if he'd smile like crazy or strike them bleeding or thump them unconscious. When Tong tried to kiss him as well, he freaked out.
"STOP IT!"
Tong's face froze halfway to Mew's, while Alex slowly unclenched his fist, which would have flown to Tong if the kiss ensued.
Mew's eyes were dampened with tears of frustration. He looked at Tong and Alex with sadness and reproach. He didn't feel special; just a cheap prize in a competition. The silence was killing the boys, on the other hand. "I'm… I'm sorry Mew, I shouldn't have done that…" said Alex. He tried to reach Mew, but Mew dodged his hand. Tong also tried to touch Mew, but he motioned Tong to stop.
"If you're not going to eat the breakfast, you better leave so I can clean it up" Mew said. A fraction of a second passed and the boys were already on the table—Tong was pouring coffee on the cups and Alex was slicing cheese. They knew better than to piss Mew.
The owner of the house sat on his chair and looked at his guests, who were busily ignoring him. "I'm happy that you're here… I really am," the boys stopped what they're doing and looked at him "and I'm also very flattered. I'd like to thank you because last night was so different from all the Christmas eves I've ever had…" Tong and Alex smiled bashfully and anticipated the next sentence. Mew continued: "Regarding what happened earlier—"
There was a loud knock on the door. "Mew!" Ying called.
Mew stood up right away after he heard Ying calling. Alex almost died in anticipation, while Tong thought he'd have to strangle Ying later. Mew stopping his speech at that point was too much. It could have meant Mew choosing between the two of them.
"Hi everyone!" Ying greeted as she went to have a seat with them. "I didn't know you'd also be here Alex!" she said excitedly. At that statement, Alex choked on the piece of hotdog he was swallowing. "Oh I'm sorry! Did I say something wrong?" Ying panicked as she saw Alex cough one after another. When he stopped coughing, he washed his throat down with a gulp of coffee. Few tear drops flowed from his eyes.
"No… I'm okay…" said Alex, chest heaving hard.
Mew, on the other hand, was so worried, he rubbed Alex's back. "Are you sure?" he asked with a tone of affection.
"Yes, I'm sure…"
"Wait…" said Mew. He got a piece of tissue paper from the table and wiped Alex's tears "that's better." Mew smiled at Alex.
Not so far away, Tong's heart was breaking. Air was coming from outside, filling his lungs, and squashing his fragile heart. Mew used to worry for him like that; Mew used to smile at him like that. He then felt Ying's hand on top of his. He looked at her and saw her apologetic smile.
Mew and Alex were still looking at each other when Ying interrupted. "Why don't we go on a double date later?" said Ying.
"No." Everyone responded in unison. Ying scratched her head in irritation, and forced out a lame ha-ha-ha. Setting up Tong with Mew was harder than I anticipated, she thought.
"What I want" Tong said looking at Mew, "is to go on a date alone with you. "If that's okay."
Here we go again… Mew thought. It was his turn to scratch his head.
Alex cleared his throat and told Tong sternly, "Why is it that you always—" and then he saw Mew's look "uhm… what I mean is… uhm… Mew, you know I'd also like to go out with you."
Mew looked from one admirer to another, and then to his ex-admirer, Ying, and then looked at his food. "Sure… I guess…" He felt energy of triumph emanate from the boys; that's when he became scared.
"Mew" said Alex. "I just need to talk to Tong for a minute. Please excuse us." Alex motioned Tong to follow him. Before Mew could react, they were already heading for his room.
"I'm so sorry Ying—"
"Hey!" Ying held Mew's hand. "This is what we've been waiting for! To think you were crying to death—"
Mew cupped Ying's mouth with his hand. "Not too loud!" They were both giggling after that.
"No, seriously." Mew started. He was looking at Ying, wide eyed. "I don't know what happened last night they came and then we had dinner and then they slept here and then they were fighting and we were fighting, oh my gosh!"
Ying was so happy for her friend. She had never seen Mew so excited. This was actually the first time she saw him blabbering. "Oh my gosh! I'm so happy for you…"
"But this is the problem. How can I be with those two at the same time? It hasn't been 24 hours and they're already like that! Plus, Alex is my ex. How long did I want him to forgive me? Then here comes Tong, who came from nowhere, professing he wants to be with me! What about auntie Suni? I don't… oh the coffee is really delicious, you should really try this." Mew pushed his cup to Ying.
Ying realized that the boys were already walking down the stairs so she got the cue from Mew and got the cup quickly and drank before she said anything she'd regret. While doing so, she and Mew were looking at each other conspiratorially.
"Mew," Alex started "if it's okay with you… Tong and I would like to take you out on different days. Tong would take you on the first day, and then me on the second day."
"That's, of course, if it's okay with you…" said Tong.
"Sure he would!" Ying answered.
"Ying!" Mew pinched Ying on her side.
"Ouch!"
"That's great!" exclaimed Alex.
"Now that it's settled," said Tong "Mew, I'll go out with you tomorrow, Alex will go out with you on the following day."
Mew: "Why do I get the feeling that I'm being ignored here?"
Ying to Alex and Tong: "That's great guys! I hope it'd be wonderful!"
Alex and Tong were nodding their heads enthusiastically; too enthusiastically, Mew thought.
"Okay, so why don't we leave now so you can prepare?" said Ying.
Alex: "I'm ready to go."
Tong: "Me too."
Mew: "Don't I get to say something about this too?"
Ying to Mew: "If you're doing something in the next few days, change you schedule, honey. You know you want this." Mew blushed beet red. His friends stood up and thanked him for the breakfast. Tong and Ying were already out of the door, while Alex was trailing behind. Before Alex finally went out, he winked at Mew, and then playfully blew a kiss to him. Mew could not believe his luck. Things were becoming right with him and his ex at last. There was still, of course, the question about Tong. Both hurt him in the past, and both making a come back.
He finished his breakfast, thanking Buddha for finally giving him space and silence to think things over. He was chewing a piece of bacon when Tong came back and walked towards him, and without a word held the back of his head and kissed him deep. Mew felt his world whirl, with the meat in his mouth refusing to go down his throat, Tong's scent overwhelming his senses, Tong's tongue all over his teeth, Tong's lips pressed to his. When Tong finally pulled away, he smiled at Mew. "You were delicious, thank you for the breakfast." Tong then flashed Mew the sweetest smile Mew had ever seen.
Tong walked out of the house without waiting for Mew's response.
Mew's heartbeat was so faint he was afraid it already died on him. Mew thought to himself: That was the most disgusting thing someone has ever done to me. It's so romantic; I think I can die now.
With all the things that had happened to him in the last several hours, he was completely clueless on what to expect in the next two days.
They tasted like cherries – definitely cherries. He has not eaten any cherry in the last year, but he thought he'd recognize that taste anywhere… even in Tong's mouth… even if at that time, there was chewed bacon in his mouth… even if he didn't know how Tong got to have that taste in his kiss.
"Oh shut up," Mew told himself as he rubbed his palms on his tired eyes. It's already 3 in the morning and Tong promised to pick him up at 6, so he still has a couple of hours left to sleep. Also, he was informed that he wouldn't be with the guys for just a day each, but for a week each. As usual, he felt clueless on how to react, but decided to just be himself with the guys. He remembered his promise to himself to not let anybody take away his happiness from him. He smiled at his thought: I've only been less lonely in my life a few times, and I'm going to milk this opportunity. I'm going to receive love for two whole weeks and I don't have the right to complain. Such an emo., he added.
With that, he put a pillow on top of his smiling face.
Then suddenly, all was black, and then was something heavy atop his arms and chest… and his legs… and he couldn't move. Mew went to panic mode and bolted out of his bed. When he realized that Tong was lying on his bed, he demanded: "What are you doing here?"
"And good morning to you too." Tong smiled and placed his head on Mew's pillow.
"Well?"
"Well, let's see…" Tong checked his wrist watch, looked at Mew, then continued, "I was supposed to pick you up at 6, right? So I was sitting outside by 5:30. But by 7, I was already worried so I woke Ying and asked if she has a spare key, which I expected she had…" Tong stood up and loomed over Mew. Mew sensed what might happen next as suggested by Tong's predatory look, so he clasped both his hands on his mouth. Mew's heart was pounding so hard, his body was fully aware of the other boy's presence.
"What's the matter?" Tong asked, smiling again. Since he couldn't kiss Mew, he gave him a tight hug instead. So adorable… Tong thought. Tong's body pressed against Mew's. The sensation he felt was more than what he imagined. It felt like all the time that they were away from each other doesn't matter anymore. He rubbed his cheek on Mew's cheek, and he didn't care if Mew feels how hard his heart was pounding. "When I went inside your room and saw that your pillow was covering your face… I was so afraid. I know it was crazy, but I wouldn't know what to do if anything happens to you. But, of course, you were just sleeping, and you looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart to wake you up… so I laid down and hugged you… like this… and I want us to stay like this –"
"Pervert!" Mew removed himself from the embrace and ran towards the door.
Tong was stunned by Mew's reaction. Then his heart broke. And the pieces fell like chips of fragile glass – smashed by an unexpected soccer ball. Only one thought occurred to him: I opened my heart to Mew, I got to be called something dirty…
"Don't you get all cheesy on me! I still remember last Christmas!"
Tong looked more hurt than stunned after that.
"And don't give me those puppy eyes!" Mew walked out the door, but came back after a couple of seconds. He said calmly: "Uhm, you can wait for me downstairs, I just need to take a bath. When Mew left, Tong was still standing quietly beside the bed.
At the bathroom, Mew was berating himself. "That was such a mature thing to do!" he said sarcastically, "Someone opened himself up to you, and you went acting like a brat!" He finished his bath and he still felt ashamed of what he did.
Tong was waiting in agony at the living area for about 20 minutes when Mew came down. He stood up as Mew approached and he was pleasantly surprised when Mew reached for his hand and apologized.
"I'm sorry Tong for acting like a child. I shouldn't have said that…"
"Hey, I think you're actually improving," Tong said with kindness.
"Huh?"
"As a child, you mostly kept to yourself. If you felt offended or hurt, you just kept quiet… and now I'm glad that you're finally fighting for yourself." Tong smiled.
Mew wanted to cry. He felt a lump on his throat.
"And… I'm so sorry… if there's anything I can do to make all the bad things I've done to you go away, just tell me what to do…"
"Hey… there's nothing to apologize –"
Tears fell down Tong's cheeks. "If… if only we can do that again, I would have chosen you instead of myself…"
Mew hugged Tong securely. I should be strong for both of us, Mew thought. "I forgive you Tong… and I hope you can also forgive yourself. I would hate to see you cry over that… and I hope this would be the last time we cry over the past."
Tong calmed down after a few minutes and the boys smiled at each other. "Thanks, Mew," said Tong.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Much better."
"So… can we go out now? I'm starving!"
Tong laughed, "That would be great… I have a good place in mind."
The boys went to the Black Canyon Café in Siam Square, since Tong suggested that it would be best for brunch. Tong wolfed down his Teriyaki Chicken Steak, while Mew devoured his omelet. They also both had Caffé Americano afterwards.
They ate in silence as both were starving from not having breakfast. Tong was the first to speak when they were already having coffee. "I'm so full, that was delicious."
"Yeah, good idea that we came here," Mew answered. "Uhm, so what are our plans for today?" Mew sipped his coffee.
Tong smiled and Mew's heart squeezed a bit. "Well, I'm thinking that first, I'd make it up to you by continuing the date that never happened last year… Remember the day," Tong paused, "we were supposed to meet but mom talked to you?"
Mew's heart squeezed some more and only managed to nod his head; he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.
"So, how about Marley and Me?"
"What's that?"
"It's a movie about a Labrador Retriever and Jennifer Aniston…"
"I dunno… a Labrador Retriever and Jennifer Aniston?"
Mew however, was crying buckets of tears after watching the movie. "I knew I shouldn't have watched that movie!" he exclaimed as he wiped his tears. "And the dog… I think I don't want to have a dog… I'm sure it'd be a headache… and it wouldn't listen to me. But isn't he cute?"
Tong laughed. Mew also laughed; he was so happy. Since they saw each other last year, he has never heard Tong laugh much; he just always smile or grin. Mew looked on the ground and smiled at himself.
"Why are you smiling?" Tong asked.
"Nothing." Mew was still focused on the ground.
"Come on! There should be a reason!" Tong put his left arm over Mew's shoulders. They saw an old lady looking at them incredulously, which made them laugh some more and walked away.
While they were walking, Mew asked seriously, "Don't you get bothered by what people think about us?"
"Hey, why don't we enjoy this week first, and then let's just talk –"
"Yeah, you're right, sorry…" Mew smiled.
"But you can make it up to me, you know."
"What?"
"Did you know that I've only been to one of the Buddhist temples here in Bangkok?"
"What?"
"Well, we are Catholic, in case you forgot… And I've been to that temple long long time ago that I don't remember where it is anymore… So I want to ask you if you can tour me around."
"Are you serious?"
Tong made puppy eyes, looked at Mew, and said, "I know I'm the one who's supposed to take you out and all, but, if you don't want…"
Mew laughed and pushed Tong away. "You black mailer you!"
Tong laughed and held Mew's hand. "Which temple are we going to visit first?"
"Wait! I haven't agreed yet!"
Tong pulled him anyway.
They finished visiting five temples by 5:30PM, because the temples are already closing. Afterwards, they went looking at store windows in Siam Square. It was almost 9PM when they decided to have dinner in one of the famous food stalls on the streets of Bangkok.
"Tong…"
"U-huh?"
"Thanks for having me show you around. I didn't know I enjoyed being a tourist guide. Ha ha…"
"And I bet you haven't walked that much recently."
"I don't think I ever walked that much in my entire life!"
"Well, that's good! Put some energy into your body!"
"What, you think I'm weak?"
"U-huh."
"I hate you!" Mew threw a tiny piece of vegetable at Tong and both were laughing uncontrollably.
Things would have been better, though, if they have not been spotted by Donut, who was sitting several tables away from them. When Donut decided to approach Tong, the boys were already gone.
Tong entered Mew's room, drying his head with a bath towel. He just took a bath in Mew's bathroom.
"I never knew you were so sneaky," said Mew, who bathed before Tong. "I didn't know you brought an overnight bag."
"It's an overweek bag, just so you know. I meant it when I said I'd be with you for a week. And, I left it on your table, how could you have missed?"
He ignored Tong's question. What came to his mind was Alex. Don't tell me Alex is also going to sleep here next week? Mew asked himself.
Suddenly, Tong was already sitting by his side, looking at him intently. Mew gulped. Tong was about to kiss Mew, but Mew was so confused, he decided to lie down quickly, with his back facing Tong. Mew thought that things were going too fast. Days ago, he sure wanted to be with Alex, but things got so complicated. Was he being unfair to the others? Was he being selfish? Mew closed his eyes. He said he wanted to receive love… but now he's not sure if it's the right thing to do.
He then felt Tong's hands on his shoulders. With his light cotton shirt, he was too conscious of Tong's rough palms, but they were oh so gentle… rubbing his tired shoulders. Mew sighed.
"Lie on your belly," said Tong quietly and Mew obeyed.
He has never had anyone rub his back before. He felt so tired, but glad that someone's finally there to be with him. Still confused if it's so bad to be loved, Mew felt hot tears flow from his eyes.
Tong felt when Mew finally stopped sobbing; and he knew when Mew finally fell asleep. He stopped rubbing Mew's back. He bent and kissed Mew's we lashes and whispered, "I'm going to love you more from now on…" Tong lied on the bed and waited for dreams of Mew to take over.
The next five days were a blur of laughter, visiting Mew's favorite places, chatting with Ying, browsing in bookstores and music stores, watching movies at home, grocery shopping, and cooking their choice of food. They held hands sometimes when they were outside, but when at home, they were inseparable. Alex also never called; and the only time they saw him was on New Year's Eve when the August Band went on a gig. He politely greeted the boys after the show, and was gone.
Mew was in such bliss. On their last day that week, Tong asked Mew if he'd want a Labrador Retriever as a gift, and the ecstatic Mew couldn't help but laugh and hug Tong as he said yes, yes, yes. In the morning, they planned on how to take care of the dog. Tong will buy the dog with the money he saved, and it will live in his house; and, they will share the expenses for the food and medicine. In the afternoon, they went to the pet shop where Tong saw the little pups the other day.
On their way to the shop, Tong's friends saw him and called them. Tong was weary when they came near. What do they want? he asked himself. Mew on the other hand, was nervous. He has not been introduced to Tong's friends before. He felt more nervous, then sad, when Tong slightly moved his hand away from his hand.
"Hey Tong," said Mike. He nodded to Mew and Mew nodded back. The other guys were staring at Mew.
Tong eyed them, looking bored. "Hey, what's up?" he asked.
"We haven't seen you in a while, that's what's up," Max said.
"Sorry, I've been busy."
"With what?"
Tong stayed silent.
"Is he the guy from St. Nicolas? The one we asked you about before?"
"That's none of your business," said Tong with edge in his voice.
"Tong…" Mike held Tong's shoulder. "We missed you, that's all. We don't care who you're with, just don't think we'd think less of you because of who you are." Mike smiled, as well as the other guys. Tong and Mew were speechless. One by one, Tong's friends introduced themselves to Mew and even asked him to join them in one of their drinking sessions. Mew smiled and promised to join them one of these days. When the guys left, Tong and Mew were left standing in silence.
"Sorry, I was a little bit stressed by that," Tong said.
"That's okay…" Mew answered, but in his heart, he could not push away the thought of Tong pulling away his hand. "I'm glad your friends are okay with us, though…"
Tong smiled, "I'm happy too. Anyway, let's go?"
They have not even walked 20 feet when Donut appeared in front of them.
"I should have guessed," Donut said.
Tong had his mouth slightly open in shock. "Donut… let me explain…" he said, a few seconds after he recovered.
Donut smiled, but hate and sadness haunted her eyes. She looked at the puzzled Mew and then back to Tong. The three were unaware of the rush of people coming from different sides – they were finally standing in the midst of reality check and nothing, at that moment, is more important. "I was wondering why you suddenly stopped taking my calls… why I was feeling alone even when we were together… now I know. You broke up with me because you want to be with a guy!" Donut was laughing sarcastically and some people were starting to look at them.
"Stop it, Donut," Tong said.
"Why? Are you so ashamed that others would hear what you really are?"
Tong was shuddering, his voice was tensed. "I will explain it to you, but not here." He was afraid that Mew would walk away from him again if he knew who Donut was.
Donut was about to say something when Mew stepped forward.
"I hope you don't mind me interrupting," Mew started coolly. Donut looked at him with cold eyes. "Tong and I were friends when we were young," he continued, "we didn't see each other again 'till last year. We… developed feelings for each other, but nothing happened. I was ready to love him, but he felt having a relationship wouldn't be best for us. So, Tong didn't break up with you because of us… he was faithful to you even during the times when he was confused. We maintained our friendship and love for each other, however, and those are what we have right now."
Donut couldn't believe what she just heard. "But… but boys aren't supposed to love each other!"
Mew maintained his cool. "Love is something that's freely given to anyone, whether the recipient is a boy or a girl. That's what Buddha teaches, and I'm sure Jesus too. If we will be judged afterwards… let Them judge us, and not you. Anyway, if Tong will have a romantic relationship with someone else in the future, I don't think it should concern you anymore."
Tears were threatening to fall down from Donut's eyes when she walked away; slowly at first, and then running "till she went out of their sight.
"Mew…" said Tong, his heart hammering. He didn't know what to say. He touched Mew's hand, but to his surprise, Mew pulled his hands away.
"I don't think you're ready for this… for us." Mew was so sad.
Tong couldn't breathe. He felt so small; he wished he would suddenly disappear so he could avoid Mew's disappointed eyes. He couldn't say anything. He wanted to tell Mew that he really – really wants to be with him, but he's afraid he'd cry if he starts talking now.
"The question, Tong, is what you are willing to give for this relationship?"
Tong almost choked.
"You always say you love me when we're together… but I'd hate it if you can't say the same when we're in front of other people.
Tong was crying. "But I love you." It started raining lightly.
Mew smiled sadly. "But I know that, silly." He held the other boy's arm. "I never doubted. I'm just not sure if you're ready to show it wholeheartedly. I've read some books you know… about love. They say it would be a waste of time if we give love that's less than the greatest love that we can offer, and I should know better." Mew laughed a little. "Think about it Tong…"
Mew got a black, checkered folding umbrella from his bag. He learned that it sometimes rain when you least expect it, and he wouldn't be caught dead waiting for someone to bring him an umbrella when it happens. Mew opened the umbrella and shared it with Tong. "Come on, I'll walk you to the bus stop."
Mew took a deep breath. He was deep into thinking. Someone tapped his shoulder. "Huh?" he said absentmindedly.
"I was asking you what the date is today?" Alex said.
"Uhm… I dunno, sorry…"
"Are you okay, Mew?"
Mew looked at Alex. He looks cute, he thought. But why don't I feel that special warmth towards him anymore? It has been four days since they started their week-long date. Fifth night since he saw Tong… "Huh? Sorry… what's that again?"
Alex smiled and said "Nothing" as he waived for the waiter to bring their check.
Alex was sitting on Mew's chair as he watches Mew sleep. We was thinking how he loves Mew so much, and would do everything just to make him happy. He felt sad. It was the kind of sadness that stays in the dark hole of the heart, and seeps every happy memory one ever has. It affected him so much that he couldn't even cry anymore. He took a deep breath and pondered on what to do next. Alex got the wooden Christmas toy on top of the CPU. Silly toy, he said to himself. Why do you always meddle with my love life? He put the toy back to its place and looked around the room. Posters… cabinet… hats… grandma's picture… Mew and Tong's childhood picture…
It has been the fourth night and nothing has changed since they saw each other for the date. From the moment that they met, he already sensed that something was wrong. Mew looked so lost; he didn't look healthy any longer. Mew wouldn't speak unless he's spoken to; he's always listless, as if he wanted to do something but couldn't; he'd always have "uhms" and "sorrys" in his sentences; the list of what's wrong can go on and on. The whole week went as if in a blur. He spent his time worrying about him, and knew that he couldn't do anything more.
He sat on the bed and stroke Mew's hair. He loved the way Mew looks when he sleeps – devoid of sadness, glowing with love. He decided he'd give him everything… everything… "I know what you want… and your wish is my command," he whispered.
Mew woke up to the smell of coffee and bread. He rubbed his eyes and silently looked at Alex.
"Good morning sleepyhead," Alex said, smiling. He was sitting on Mew's chair, holding a mug of brewed coffee. Some freshly baked bread were on the table. He looked fresh from shower, and wearing nice clothes. He gave Mew the mug. "Drink it. Be careful though, it's hot."
Without a word, Mew got the mug and sipped the coffee. He felt that it wasn't so hot anymore, so he decided to take gulps because his throat suddenly felt really dry. Some spilled, however, and Alex laughed. "Hey, don't be so greedy," he said.
Mew looked at him, puzzled. "What's up? Are we going somewhere?" he asked.
"Not you, just me."
"What do you mean?"
They were looking eye to eye. Alex sat on the bed, beside Mew's legs. "It's time for me to leave."
"Why?" Mew was feeling guilty. He was afraid he made Alex feel unwanted.
"On Christmas night, I came back because I thought someone wanted me to. I'm not sure if he saw me though, so I came back four days ago to check. But he wasn't there anymore."
Tears were flowing from Mew's eyes. He hugged Alex tightly.
Alex continued, "He might be wondering out there, on his own, but I know he's gonna be okay. He's a strong guy, and I know he can take care of himself. But if you see him… would you tell him that I love him?"
Mew made crying sounds now, still clutching the other strongly. He wanted to drown in sorrow.
"Please tell him that I'm gonna be okay. He taught me to be strong, so I'm gonna be strong for him.
"Ohhh…" Mew tried to speak.
"Shhh… it's okay Mew. It's time for you to make beautiful songs again. It may be hard, but –"
Mew faced Alex. "Why don't I love you more than him?" Mew said softly, tears still in his eyes.
"Who knows? Maybe… there's a prince waiting for me." Alex answered smiling. "Besides, we still have a few months 'till college, and we'll still be best friends, right?"
"Promise."
It was Saturday, just a day after Alex and Mew said goodbye to the past. Mew was sweaty from cleaning the house. He woke up when the sun wasn't up yet, and decided to start his life anew by throwing all the baggage that he doesn't need in his life. He thought that cleaning the house would be an excellent first step.
He swept and waxed the floor. He wiped the dust from the furniture, changed the curtains, and put the things that needed to be thrown away in a trash cleaning the house, he tried to think about Alex. He searched his heart on how he felt about separating with him, and found that there was only peace. Maybe, they were really not meant for each other, but he felt sure that their friendship would endure. He smiled at the thought of finally being free from carrying emotional baggage for so long.
By 2PM, he finished cleaning the last room. He went downstairs to eat cupped noodles after he finally started feeling hungry. He was halfway done with his food when he heard a car park in front of his house. Since his door was always slightly open, he noticed two adults go out of the car. His heart seemed to stop beating when he noticed that they were Tong's parents. He stood and went to the door to greet them, but not really knowing what to do. The last time he saw his aunt Sunee was the time she asked him to stay away from Tong.
"Good afternoon, Mew," they said as they saw him approach.
"Good afternoon… auntie, uncle… is there anything that I can do?" He was bracing himself for the impending doom. He didn't forget his manners, though, and invited them to come inside, but they refused.
"We won't be long, Mew," said Sunee, "I just want to apologize for what I've said to you before. I now know I wasn't right."
Mew's heart was beating hard. Did he hear her correctly?
Korn spoke, "Our son has been very responsible since last year, and we think we have you to thank for it. He has also been very lonely, and what parents would we be if we just… well, you know what we're talking about! We just want to say that we trust you guys, and we want you to be happy..." He smiled and handed Mew a piece of paper. With that, the husband and wife bade him goodbye and left.
Mew couldn't understand what happened. Are they saying that it's okay if they're… together? But, he thought sadly, it's Tong who couldn't handle the situation. Then he remembered the piece of paper that Korn handed him. It read:
I remember the first time that I really saw you… it was when you were sitting down the stairs with me and my black eyes. I thought I wanted to protect you from bad guys. I don't know why and how it lasted this long… but I want you to know that I don't want it to end here. I want you to be a permanent part of my life from now on and protect you forever. If you want to be with me (I beg you), please go to the place where you found the first clue –
I know that! Mew thought excitedly. But he felt conflicted. What if… then he heard Ying shout from the window above him.
"Mew! What are you waiting for?"
All of Mew's emotions bundled into one joyful laugh. He shouted his thanks to Ying and ran to the bathroom. He quickly washed his hands and face, and went to his room to have a change of fresh shirt. His heart flew as he flew to Tong. His heart was filled with music that he didn't notice the heat of the afternoon sun, or the people who were looking at him, wondering happily why a crazily happy smile was pasted in his face.
He decided not to go to the other clues anymore, he knew in his heart where Tong would be waiting. As he half-walk, half-run to their meeting place by the river, teenagers stopped him from time to time and gave him long-stemmed red roses, with messages of Tong's love for him, written on pieces of paper. He thought he recognized some faces and knew that they were Tong's friends. He was more surprised when some of his own friends stopped him and gave him roses and letters. He laughed as he received them, but his shyness would have eaten him alive if not for the knowledge that Tong would be waiting for him at the end of the line.
From far away, he saw Tong's familiar figure, holding a ball of golden fur. He approached Tong with a bunch of flowers in his arms. He was all sweaty and grimy, but he was so happy. Things are going to be better from now on, he was sure of it.
Tong was smiling the smile that lights everybody's heart. "So, what are we going to name our little fur ball?" He said as he gently rubbed the sleeping Golden Retriever puppy.
"How about Christmas?" he answered, smiling.
"I like that."
THE END
There you go kids! Wow, it took us more than a year to finish this! Now I'm not sure whether I'm Team Alex or Team Tong! Hehe… Before, I would have chosen Alex any moment; but after exploring Tong's feelings, I'm not so sure anymore.
Well, this is the last time that I'll be updating this story (I'm so sad). I don't want to say goodbye to Mew and Alex and Tong, but things have got to have an end, and we all need to move on people! So, goodbye everyone! Thanks so much for reading and loving the story. I'm going to miss all your comments and requests
Don't forget to spread the Love! TLOS forever!
-Ceej
@igoigo : ngk bagus hasil translate'tan dri google klo secara keseluruhan, dan intinya ane males mentranslate,